He's still trying to say I'm the one who is breaking up the M.
Yes.
You talk about feeling exhausted, used, neglected. You talk about how he doesn't live up to your ideals of a man in so many ways. You talk about how he won't go to counseling or do the work.
There is a name for women like this: WAS.
No man will be the person you think they ought to be. They will be their own man. You will either learn to appreciate them for who they are, or you will be miserably married.
Just because he won't go to counseling or do what you want him to do, that doesn't mean he isn't willing to "do the work". It means he doesn't want to live his life as your puppet. He is doing the work in other ways. Just because he says he can't see a way for it to work, doesn't mean that feelings couldn't change if time was allowed to pass in a healthier way.
As for the EA/PAs...how is that relevant at this point if he ended them and has recommitted to the M? You cling to his failure from the past as a reason to leave now?
Bottom line, every marriage looks horrible at it's worst. Every man looks abusive, negligent, unsophisticated, and exasperatingly unwilling to fit into the plans of their women. There's a vicious circle where a man feels controlled or manipulated by criticism and so withdraw further into their cave to stay safe and cope. I'll bet H would be happy with another woman, if she didn't do these things, and accepted him as he was. But I think he could be just as happy with you if you did the same thing. You say he won't do the work. I say it takes one to tango.
I don't have all the answers, but walking away isn't the answer. You don't need my permission to separate or leave your marriage, but you don't have it nevertheless.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
