New Thread for Help

[CWOL]

Had a good baseball practice with S11 today. He's hitting bombs and will be ready for the game Tuesday night. I was feeling really good with the exercise and being in the sun, but I looked over at the playground and saw a younger family with a 5 year old boy, with both parents playing with him. Tears welled in my eyes as I recollect how happy WW and I were when S was that age...
I really hate being like this. I never felt this type of sadness or depression before. It just reminded me I wasted 20 years of my life on WW.

[Thornton]

That stuff is brutal, CWOL.

This pain is visceral. It's unlike anything I've ever felt before. Is it possible to die from a broken heart?

I'm glad to hear you had a good time with S. It's good to get out in the sun and be active.

Hang in there, man. You'll get through it. Take it one day at a time.

[TimR]

UGH what a punch to the gut. Same thing happened to me today, right after having a good day and out of the blue BAM and I am knocked off my little cloud. Sorry for you brother. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better, stronger day.

[Tyler12]

That's always the way it goes isn't it? You get up and feel great the something sets you off. I feel for you.

I don't know if you mean that you wasted 20 years or are hurting, you have a son from that 20 years and though the memories hurt at times you wouldn't be who you are if you hadn't experienced those years.

Make tomorrow a great day. Make new stronger memories.

[CWOL]

Yeah, it just s*cks, doesn't it? I'm hurting because my WW disrupted our plans that we've worked for for 20 years. All of our dreams, etc.
WW still has not moved out, pending finalization of separation agreement. We are still doing things like a family, i.e. we went to see a movie together this morning, and eat our meals together. She's very indecisive normally and I don't think she will truly appreciate me until she moves out, but it's already been a month since she filed for D. Part of me wants her to move out ASAP but another part is still clinging... I need to be strong for this part of the ordeal.

[broke]

CWOL,

My H filed for a D a month ago, too. But, he moved out 5 months ago. I hope that by you DB'ing right away when she moves will help her realize what she is losing. I made so many mistakes that I hope you can avoid. Keep GAL'ing, detaching and doing your 180's. I know it hurts but stay strong. You can do this.

[CWOL]

Yes, I think she has this "idealized" version of divorce where we are still "friends" and may even do things together, etc. I have already started to detach, I do not text her at all or initiate communications unless there is something business-related to talk to her about.

She just emailed me a custody schedule where I have S11 Wed-Fri, she has him Sun-Tue, and we switch off on Saturdays. Do you guys see any problems with that? I asked for the second half of the week because his baseball practices are usually later in the week. Do you guys see any problems with this?

[TimR]

CWOL, It suck$ that our life plans are blown up by our sitchs. I feel the same way. I had this romantic idea about what life would be like when sons were grown and it was just the two of us. But we are not out of the race yet! Miracles do happen!

BTW I don't see anything wrong with the custody agreement. You may want to address holidays though.

Good luck friend!

[CWOL]

Thanks Tim.
What blows is that it was happening under my nose for so long, and I was so complacent and never checked her phone or email even though I set them up for her! And with the history from 17 years ago. How I wish I had a time machine to go back 9 years and nip it in the bud!
You are right, we're not out of the race. The key will be to detach from her difficulties once she does move out, yet not seem like a d*ck at it. It will be tough if it's got to do with S11, for example, I help him with his homework frequently and she has no clue how to do them. And I'm sure her computer will blow up.

[CWOL]

Hello,
Need advice on 50/50 custody:
WW is proposing she get S11 Sunday to Tuesday, and I get him Wednesday to Friday, and we switch off on Saturdays. I think she said this is the last hurdle before she moves out. Any pros and cons to that schedule? I prefer the second half of the week because his baseball practices are usually later then, so I can be with him as much as possible.
Or should we try to do an alternating weeks schedule? Which would be least disruptive for an 11 year old boy?