Looking for a Spark in the dark

[Sparkls]

I'm going out with friends to play some disc golf in the morning, despite the fact that the high I think is like 45. :-p

The big problem for me right now is that its all pretty much weekends. In school right now, I only have class on tues and thurs for like 2 hours. Way too much free time on my hands. I can try to fill it but a girl can only GAL so much and so I end up at home with my dogs.

Today was so rough cause I had to see him yesterday. And that whole encounter was so weird and uncomfortable that I don't even know how to make it sit in my brain properly. Like, there was a box of his stuff in the bedroom, already boxed up, that he took out of the box and put in a drawer. I'm not really going to read into that other than to say that it was a very odd thing to do. (and it was a box of weird [censored] like his old high school letterman jacket and his grandpas old army jacket).

Just got off the phone with my dad and he always seems to calm me down a little bit (mainly because he's been there, done that, got the crazy town t-shirt with my mom. He can kind of see both sides, she cheated for decades, he finally left after 25 years of marriage, took the kids, she was devastated, got back together for a few years, that was even more toxic, finally left for good when I was 16). We were basically saying that H is living in a fantasy land with the euphoria of the A and finally not having responsibilities and whatnot. That won't last, it'll come crashing down. And the only real question is do I hang around and wait for that. And my answer, for now at least, is yes. I've got time. My struggle is with how to wait around when we're NC. How will I know the fog has started to lift, cause I'm not sure he'll come to me when it does of his own accord, because he's stubborn or ashamed or whatever his reason. I guess I struggle with how to make sure he knows the door is open. And then I feel like I"m getting ahead of myself and to just slow down and cross that bridge if we ever get there.