Where will we go from here

[TimR]

Thank you Sparks, Broke and Thorton! Yea the end of today has been hard. I don't know which I prefer angry or sad me?? I think I do better with anger and it helps keep weight off... So maybe angry me is better me. Also anger I think is easier to focus, than sadness.

Sparks, was your stomach bothering you because of sickness or from your festivities last night? Hopefully, your festivities last night! I hope you had a good night even if your friends were trying to help but hurting you as well. I agree with the comment on your thread friends and family try to help by telling you just to move on but they do not know how we feel.

Broke I am glad you did not give in to snooping. I have done the same thing but am getting better at it. It is like we are addicting to the pain cause we search knowing we will find something that will hurt us, yet we still go looking for us. I don't know why we do it but I give in too and then I don't sleep for a few days.

Thornton, I hope you had a great day with your daughter, you deserve it buddy. Remember the biggest most important thing we can be is great examples for our kids.

BTW yes it does feel good to be appreciated and recognized by my wrestlers. I often ride them hard and can be down right mean to them. I love it when they recognize I do it cause I want to bring out the best in them. I know the grind I put them through is rough on them mentally and physically but it shows if they put aside their ego and pride, push past the pain that it really does pay off in fulfilling their dreams. The funny thing is when I started this, I really didn't like kids. I only did it because I didn't want my kid to continue to embarrass himself. But when I say I didn't like kids, I mean I really DID NOT LIKE kids. They annoyed the he11 out of me with their constant whining and needing babied. Now I really enjoy leading them and watching them grow.

I guess at this point at 41 and in limbo, I unfortunately may never have a son of my own. I may never leave a part of me on this crazy planet. While 7 years ago I could have cared less but now that really depresses me. I guess these kids that I teach in the long run could be my legacy! These kids could be the ones to carry my memory when I am gone and maybe a few of them will carry the torch when I am no longer able. I don't know whether to be depressed by that thought or honored. Right now I will try to be honored.