Trumpet, yes, there are definitely things in H's background that explain why he behaves this way. However, if he's not interested in looking at it, there's nothing I can do.
We (or maybe rather I) have decided to separate. I am looking for a place for H - who would prefer that I leave, but there are many reasons I won't. That causes a little tension in waves, but he reins himself in for the most part.
It just felt like we were friends with benefits. Not a situation I want to be in with my H. It felt demeaning and humiliating on a daily basis.
I told him this morning that I want to be in a relationship that is loving, caring, affectionate, and committed. I want to be with someone who wants to hold my hand, spend time with me, and be nice to me. He said he didn't think we could get there. So I said that it's unfair to waste my time if he has decided that he doesn't have those feelings for me and won't do what he can to get them back (he feels he has done everything, I don't agree - but that's a moot point now. He lists his main achievement as 'no longer yelling at me').
So we've been discussing practicalities today. He has been sad, upset, tried to hug me (he suddenly felt 'not pressured') and I pulled away. I told him it was mean to suddenly give me what I've been missing after we decide to split. Like if he gave up on our M after 2 years of no sex and I tried to seduce him an hour later.
Basically, he can't handle the pressure of being married. He can only do things that make him feel good. He can only do what he feels from moment to moment, and it can change from day to day. I can't live like that.
Honestly - I look forward to being alone. I want to clean the place up, throw out half of what is here, rearrange, have girl parties, eat what I want when I want - and not having to walk on eggshells because the mood can change in the blink of an eye.
I'm sure I'll be lonely - but I honestly don't know if I can be much more lonely than I already am...
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
