Too Much Time Is Passing By

[ciluzen]

Thank you Thornton and Tim for your support and always knowing the right thing to say to make gal feel ok.

Went to the gym and coffee shop today and GAL'd last night. Did some karaoke with old boss and some old coworkers and I'm very proud of myself that I put on a smile and felt good just to take a mental break for a few hours. I was so tired from not getting sleep the night before but I went out anyway bc I just didn't want to be home. I was also a bit irresponsible, bought myself a few items b/c I just wanted to treat myself but I feel bad bc of all the stuff I have to take care of...


This is also GAL! You deserve to treat yourself and feel good about the little splurges. Treat yourself like you love yourself...because you need to love yourself to get through this.


A friend invited me to a show tonight so going to go there. But it is Saturday and I wonder if H is just sitting alone in the room he rents a few blocks down and working (as he says this is all he does and he doesn't go out), or if he is out with "our" friends or with another woman. I haven't heard from him since I saw him even though he "said" he wasn't going to go dark like that anymore and didn't want me to feel abandoned. Even though he knows I've been very sick- still silence. But I'm pressing on.

Don't believe everything they say. No expectations. His head is not on right and he still isn't sure what he wants (back to Sandi's rules). My H has told me that all he does is work and sleep (and ski on weekends). I, too, almost take comfort in that as it seems to be a miserable existence and I want it to mean he'll miss me. But I also don't know if I believe it because he was such a social person. If I believe it I get hopeful, hopefulness leads to expectations, expectations get dashed, despair moves in. Better to stick to not caring what H does when he's not with you. You have no control over that. Focus on you and rock that like I know you can.

I keep running into ppl or hearing about ppl who are recently engaged, married or pregnant and my heart just sinks bc of the state of my life right now. Wondering if I should not wear my rings bc I look like a delusional fool.

You can do whatever you want. If someone thinks you look like a delusional fool, let them think that. Is it going to matter one iota to THEM that YOU think their awesome new haircut is horrendous or their jeans make them look like a pear wearing a rubber band? No. You do you and to heck with what they think. They aren't living your life. Its all you and your choices right now. What, within your control, will make you happier today?