Thanks for tapping me on the shoulder on my thread. I know you're having a hard time and I wish it would hurry up and get easier for you.
I haven't been posting much anymore because I feel like a broken record that doesn't accomplish much. But I'll say it again:
Whether he is in an A or not, whether 'limbo' continues or a D is finalized...the next 12-24 months should look the same in terms of the life you live. It doesn't matter, so call off the PI and keep your eyes on you.
thank you for posting zues. I know you haven't been posting much anymore and I always appreciate a thought from you.
Yes you are right. Regardless, I really have no other choice in the matter and have to make the best of it. Many say to do nothing is really the best thing anyhow. Sometimes, no often times it is hard to separate rational thought from my emotions that cause me to basically obsess.
You should grieve, recover, take care of you and your family. Doing this isn't 'wasting time'. I'd say it's making pretty darn good use of it. What the heck would you do differently than this is your H was having an A? I don't understand. Would you go to the bar and jump into bed with some other guy in exchange for making him promise to hold you and talk you off the ledge for when you're crazy or lonely?
straight answers would give me that closure. It would also help me figure out the dreaded legal crap. If there was affair, it would be handled differently. There would be no hope for reconciliation. I would not try for friendship. He would be dead to me. I am not ready for OM. I think about it and say sometimes that it would be a good way to detach and that I need someone to help me not care about what husband is doing. That maybe I would not care and obsess about whether husband cheated if I myself did. Technically we are still married.
But first off, any guy that actually goes for me in my situation is not the type of guy I would want. 2nd I am too unhappy and emotionally unavailable to go through the motions. 3rd I don't think many women really seek one night stands. I can't imagine being used would make anyone feel better.
J, you can't cling to him and a dead marriage with cat claws, fly up and down an emotional roller coaster, and then think that the issue is limbo. He is not 'stringing you along', it is your issue, you choosing to not let go.
. Yes. We are separated. We are not married. He gets to be separated without the legal implications. Do I proceed legally? Gives me closure and improved finances and secures arrangements with children. I have some knowledge of how my future will go. Do I need to work more ? Etc. What is the purpose of not filing if relationship is over. But yes saying reconciling indicates that we are done or would not need reconciling... In my mind, it was just 1 big fight and I was waiting for him to see reason. I
I'm not criticizing or judging you for this. I haven't walked a mile in your shoes, and it's clear there is tremendous pain moving around in your heart and head. But you do need to understand this because if you don't you'll start making life changing decisions based on emotional reactions to your sore spots.
I do know the 'uncertainty' is difficult...I always compared it to the difference between knowing your spouse died in a car crash, vs. having them become a 'missing person', where you never really know what happened, and you can cling to hope for weeks or months that they will turn up.
Your H is a missing person. It's been long enough. Go ahead and grieve, and put the marriage in the ground. Have a ceremony if you need to. Take the wedding ring off and put it in the ground. Take care of yourself. Move forward with the children. Whatever fears you have, work on yourself in IC, GAL, and rebuild.
If WAH comes around and wants to work on R in a year or two, take a look at who you have become, where you are, where he is, what he has become, and you'll know if it makes sense to discuss that possibility. But you can't possibly decide that now, because you're either clinging out of fear or pushing away to punish. Still too attached. Just keep walking J. Keep walking. Don't look back.
. I am working on withdrawing. Will be easier when I feel better. Just short word answers now to husband. How do you not think of them though?
