Now, the real work begins...Part III

[broke]

V - you have a wonderful way with words. I truly do feel like I've grown over the last 7/8 months. I've taken this time to reflect on who I am and what I wanted to focus on to improve myself. And, I do have empathy for my H. I think he's truly a mess right now, looking for happiness in the wrong places, not facing the consequences of what he's done by convincing himself our marriage couldn't be saved.

On Wednesday, S12 was crying and asking about the divorce. Then, on Thursday, S15 did the same. In the past, I would've run off to H and begged to reconcile because they are hurting so much. Instead, I listened, held them, and bought them some new stuff to put at their dad's to make his house feel more like home. It's a positive step for me to break the pattern of trying to beg/pursue for reconciliation.

So, today marks one month of DB'ing for me. Thought I'd reflect on what I've done well and what I've still got to work on.

Positives: no pursuing, begging or pleading about reconciliation for one month
Had success validating during most recent conflict with H
Had dinner with BIL without R talk
Been doing well with GAL'ing
Been detaching well (not contacting my H unless necessary and try to be businesslike)
Been present with the kids (ie focused on them, not chores or other things)

Negatives: still working on: not letting my emotions get the best of me
enforcing my boundaries to not fall into "friend zone"
not to sweat the small stuff and get stressed out
not let my "low" days get too low
not to analyze everything and mind-read (makes me crazy)

Most importantly, I need to remind myself that DB'ing is about me and my growth. It's not a focus on reconciliation. It's a focus on being the best me I can be.

I hope everyone is having a good day today