Wow, mind is blown 14

[Uphill]

Uneventful S4 swaps last night and again this morning. Something is getting the best of XF but I already asked once so no need to bring it up again. Deep down I kinda hope it is guilt and shame from talking out of both sides of her mouth but I'll prolly never know. I just wish the XF of weeks prior would show herself again or the XF who I despise would come back. Either way would make my decisions easier. I hate the limbo feeling, I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels.

If the nasty, slutty XF would show herself, I would know where I should be walking. If the nice, sweet, open XF would come back, I would also know what beat to march to. The in between is very confusing to me.

Also, S4 has been opening up to me a bit. Asked me a few times why mommy doesn't come home. It tears me up. I tried to ignore it the first few times but he doesn't let it go until I acknowledge it. All I know to tell him is that I tried my best. He told me to try again... That makes my heart very sad for him because it shows me he is hurting too. Uggghh maybe a few drinks are in order today to just forget about my life.