I am gradually detaching from feeling sad that WH is that way, his behaviour his choices. This morning he wakes a year older wherever he is, an adulterer behaving abusively with great losses in his life, including the loss of himself. I have no forgiveness for him, and I have detached myself from the need to forgive. That is society's demand, that forgiveness will heal me, trying to forgive just gave me guilt. And my failure to do made me ashamed, it is WH to ask his higher power or for that higher power to grant it.
I am happy that you admitted this. My abusive relationship was my first relationship. I was still a teenager when I met him. It has been 20 years, and I have still not forgiven him. I too have absolutely no desire to. I am so happy that you bring this up. (If pm was possible I would post to you what he did)
What is important though is forgiving yourself for trusting someone and for allowing some one to treat you badly. Your soul will forgive you. I think of myself as having gained depth and empathy for others going through such difficulties. It is easy to wright people off and simply say "people will do what you allow them to". But as we know, it is a lot more complex.
To a large extent my PTSD is my circus, my monkeys not WHs issue. My reaction and my healing. Once you were able to get out, you have prepared by entrenching yourself in research to understand the nature of how someone is capable of treating someone this way and why it is allowed. Very important to prevent it from happening again. It is amazing that you have become self taught in a field that is highly different from your own. You Are proactive. I hope you realize how amazing this is.
I truly hope my openness will help others, what they make of it is of course their choice. That My journey is open is important to me, from time to time I read my threads over again. I choose one thread and I have hope that I can heal.
yes your perspective is always of great help.
Thank you Ju for being a fellow traveller on my journey. V
