I truly miss you Jelly. I am uncomfortable with how I responded to your suggestion last week. I could not have taken any other path then the one I chose but in doing so I feel like I let you down and rejected you. To do the right thing is difficult when the right choice goes against one's wants and desires. While writing this I realize I am now grasping at the attachment I feel from our friendship and a sense of loss from how my actions affected our friendship. My actions have caused change.
"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man" - Heraclitus
roiste, I am slowing making changes to my behavior. I speak out when I perceive injustice instead of allowing my silence to support the wrong side of a position. I am trying to advocate when I witness suffering. These events are happening for the most part at work. My eyes are open to the suffering going on around me. Through this journey of self discovery I have become able to sense others pain and empathize with them.
At home there are no issues to stand up for, my wife leads a separate life from mine. She does not talk to me, she chose to cleave herself from the life we have built. She is a ghost. I am with my kids much more and my time on this site is way down. I have evolved to trying to be in my kids life whenever possible, being present in their lives. This opportunity is only available to me now and I will not squander it.
dday, I miss you. It would be nice if you lived near by, I would enjoy your company. I am mounting the four door panels on my grow box today. My daughter is helping me. It's a double win, my daughter's company and my project's evolution. Maybe the grow box is a metaphor for my own personal growth. Please stop bye your presence has great value to me.
Peace, Jelly, roiste, dday and all of my other dear friends
