I have been catching up on your situation. I love the comment about the Garlic Bread. I have to use that one
As for your situation it is complicated. IMHO. You 2 do not have a long history of good/bad to reminisce in those quiet moments alone of sanity.
He has shut the door on you and when a man moves out he really does not value what he is leaving behind. Those text messages about the kids and any act of kindness he may show are just that. Kindness to justify his actions. For him to feel good about himself.
You both have had children at a very early age and the MLC you refer to at that age is called Matureness and Responsability Acceptness. You are the anchor keeping his feet on the ground when he wants to be Peter Pan. You are fighting a losing battle. Let go.
For us more "mature" guys we value a strong woman who tells it like it is and with whom we can share our lives with. In other words someone who has our back. Your H is not at that stage yet. He is still growing up and needs that moment of independance to take the next step. With the way things are going it will not be for a long time.
The question is are you prepared wait? Is it worth waiting? Do you want someone who when faced with adversities will dig out or dig in?
I think (and I know it is not what is preached here) that you should call it a day in your head. Start living your life. Treat your R as it really is. Over.
Work on any issues and faults you may have discovered about yourself but sure as hell make sure he works damn hard on his if he ever comes knocking on your door.
Sometimes you will read about being the best you can be, bla bla bla and sometimes yes you do have faults but enough to be called out on a M? Sometimes we have to accept whatever faults we may have the issue is with the enemy and they have to work on it not us.
Coming to this site has made me see I have issues to deal with relationship wise and has helped me to understand relations and their dynamics. It has helped me to understand that many times I was not a goody boy as often as I thought and so I decided to change. But it also opened my eyes as to who was infront of me. A human being with feelings, faults, virtues, etc. We sometimes look at our partners as an extension, like a car, an appliance and take it for granted.
Once I saw my W as a person and treated her like a woman (not a wife) I began to see my W again. She began to confide in me.
It also (and here is where I am getting at) made me see her faults as faults and with the help here learn how to address them. Differently than before. I had to let go to get her back. I had to throw her stuff out of the MBR for her to put my things in. I had to tell her to leave for her to want to stay. I had to close the door of the MBR for her to knock to come in.
I had to start GAL for her to want to be in mine. All of this was through working on myself to accept that whatever I did I had to do for me and accept that there were no assurances.
She practically hated me at first and whilst she doesnt love me like in the movies as we are still piecing all her plans are together and sometimes she says she misses me when i am away.
As you can see Red you need to cut ties, focus on yourself, not on being a geater mother. If you like gardening, sometimes because you have more time, pouring more water or focusing more on the plants does not make them grow faster. Everything needs its own time. You need time to heal, he needs time to grow.
What you have to ask yourself is what are you going to be doing in the meantime?
