To experience trepidation when one puts their head on the pillow alone is distressing but when one wakes up from a unconscious event with disturbing images like you described, it must be unnerving to say the least. There can be no refuge in sleep if it leads to such moments. My dear Vanilla, I wish I had words to offer that would give you solace in this struggle. Please know you are loved and many people are here to lean on during your struggle. Peace
