Still NC - Trying to move forward

[Sparkls]

Considering the only two people I've ever loved both decided one day they just didn't love me anymore, I"m very tempted to just be single.

[Thornton]

Been there, done that, bought the tshirt.

Both of the women that I can say I truly absolutely loved, left me too.

Sometimes we have to kiss a lot of frogs before the right person comes along. The key is to learn something from each relationship.

What did you learn from this relationship, Sparks?

[Tyler12]

Getting clothes is awesome. Pick out some nice clothes. Get the person to help you out. That's what I do. Once and awhile you can see a look on their face that is wow he looks good in that and it makes your day.

I too have been married twice to a woman I loved. Over time I started to realize the first I was young and we had a child together. I don't think I comprehended love fully. Second W is and was completely different. What I believe is true love. That may change in time tho. Who knows?

As for the frogs. I like to say you have to slay a lot of dragons before you find the princess.

[Sparkls]

What did you learn from this relationship, Sparks?

I"m sure I"ll come up with something insightful but I'm in full pity party mode at the moment and so the only answer I can come up with is that when something goes bad in my life, watch out, because EVERYTHING is going to go bad. (the last guy I loved left me right after my parents separated and now this right after my mom dies.)

I guess a slightly less pity party answer is to watch out for getting too comfortable or secure in a relationship because it'll go south without you realizing it.

[Thornton]

I think what we have all learned is about what WE need as partners.

Do you have a better idea of the type of guy that is a good fit for you?

I'm starting to learn about the type of woman that is best for me. And if things with W don't work out. I will be pretty picky in my next relationship. My W has a beautiful smile and nice figure, I was putty in her hands on our first date.

I wont make that mistake again. I will intentionally hold back and play it cool until I learn more about my next partner and what makes her tick.

I've learned that I tend to dive in too quickly. I click with someone and quickly start to assume she is the one. I can't be like that anymore. It's all a part of my codenpendency.

I'll make sure I ask the right questions next time too.

[CWOL]

I"m sure I"ll come up with something insightful but I'm in full pity party mode at the moment and so the only answer I can come up with is that when something goes bad in my life, watch out, because EVERYTHING is going to go bad. (the last guy I loved left me right after my parents separated and now this right after my mom dies.)

My experience is the opposite. Things were finally gelling for me, I was doing great at work after bouncing around for a few years, found a place with excellent work/life balance for the last three years. Got the company back to profitability. My son was doing great as well, getting straight-A's in school, and doing really well in his sports, particularly pitching in baseball.

Everything was coming together, then I caught my WW and my life came crashing down. Now those accomplishments seem meaningless in the light of things.

[broke]

Okay, guys who work out, coach their kids' teams, cook and love to shop?! I'm with Sparks - sign me up :-).

Ugh - the weekends are tough aren't they?! I'm feeling slightly better only because I've driven to my parents with the kiddos. My family will spoil us rotten for 24 hours before we head back home.

Well, I've only been in love once....to the jerk face H who has turned out to be a liar and cheater. So, I really want to get comfortable with myself and be happy being alone before I figure out what I'm looking for in my next R. I guess that's why DB'ing works even without reconciliation.

I sincerely think you all are great people trying to better yourselves and stand for your relationships. It gives me hope for humanity. And, you help me through this D trauma on a daily basis. I couldn't have gotten through Wednesday without your support. So while I know you are hurting, please know that you are a blessing to me. And know that you are worthy of great love. From whoever that may be.

[TimR]

Like you Sparks, the first love I had I caught cheating on me right about the same time my dad caught my mom. Now this, I may just leave society like Mick Dodge (any History channel viewers?) and run through the forest with my dogs.

Broke I agree! If it were not for this board I may have introduced trailer park boy to blunt force trauma and then taken a hot bath with a razor. All joking aside, all of you have really saved my sanity and I love you all for that!

Thornton I hope you had that steak tonight. I would have joined you but the hole lent thing no meat for me. I had PBnJ.

[Thornton]

Haha! Blunt force trauma and a hot bath with a razor!

Trailer park boy won't last. And if he does, then you don't want W anyway. Because if her idea of a healthy R is with trash instead of an active guy who treats her kids like his own, and has a career, then she can kick rocks.

You'll find someone 10x better and she can enjoy the trailer park.

[TimR]

Yeah I cannot see how it will last too long but what if it does. But what if there are other complications too? Ugh, I need to not think about it.

You are right I will find someone else... or will I? I worry that I am too damaged to be wanted by anyone or want anyone. I have never had anxiety like this before. Which reminds me S told me tonight he keeps waking up in the night too. He looked so depressed and I think he wanted to tell me something tonight but wouldn't or couldn't. I think he cried a bit on the way home tonight.