Breath, cry, breath again and cry again. There is no other way to get away from the pain you are feeling right now.
Dropping the rope is something a lot of us would like to do but the reality is that it does not happen so easy. When you married this man, you made some commitment to that R, you vows then your kids.
For some volatile people these means little, but for most of us here in this board it means what we live for. Actually, that is the reason we are here. Because our values are much stronger then what we think.
These events are not the ones that will make you to drop the rope. It is what you do with your life that will make you to get to that point that you do not need him... you just want him.
I wonder if you were a soldier and the first battle you leave with a lot of scratches and then decide do not stand up the next day and fight the war.
I am not talking bull here. Been there, done that. I saw my XH with his A getting out of a cheap hotel, I did my own divorce. Up to this day I had my XH asking for forgiveness and saying he was so wrong, he is no longer in his A, he tells me he is lonely and needs to work on himself because he knows he messed up big time.
You see Red, live happens... it is alive, it moves, it transforms. What was yesterday, may not be today. I know you are in desperation mode. I also did that. I wanted to kill the whole world. I felt jealous... just like you.
But it has been a lesson for me. I have been learning a lot about myself, R, M and how to be a great woman.
Time is going by and I have no shame to say that my door is still open to my idiot XH. Why? Because I love him until I do not love him anymore.
If it happen, then I will know, until then I won't try to forget him, it does not work, it just disturb you.
Let your mind, body and soul feel the pain, wash that out of your system in the next few days. Don't rush the process, let yourself be sad for a bit.
In the meantime do not let go on all your hard work. Keep doing all the stuff you are doing.
Remember that you can do it. Be stronger now because you have to do something and be weak later when you have a chance to be with yourself.
I don't know if you ever checked TO324 story. I really love her story. She walked in hell Red, but her hard work paid back.
Don't blow everything up. Feel your pain and use it to fuel the warrior that is inside of you. Why to give it all easy for them. Be better then that scum bag.
They may have a blast right now, but they need to look at each other at some point and know that they did what they did. You may not see it now. You think they are there having so much fun, but it could easily be that now is the start of the end.
Be Red, you feel like crap today, but tomorrow is yet another day.
