I'm sorry to find you here, but glad you are one more person that decided you want to improve yourself. What from were I am sitting it seems you are already in the right direction.
First, reading the DB and DR helps a lot. Reading other posts in this board will help a lot too. As well, as many other literature you can get your hand on because it helps to read and learn.
Collin, it would also be helpful to us if you can update your signature with your age, kids?
Now, don't punish yourself so much. We are all human beings and we wouldn't if we never did anything wrong. The first bad feeling we feel when we are left behind, is that we failed, we took for granted, etc.
With time you will start seeing that you did a lot of good too, and your W made some mistakes too. I used to blame myself a lot, and now I can see that many times when I behaved badly it was a reaction to my XH's behavior.
What Cadet said is very, very true. She is giving you time, and maybe she is giving you an ultimatum to see if you will respond to it and make yourself a better man.
As you tell us more about you and your marriage, we will understand better about the dynamic inside your marriage.
Now, don't fool yourself thinking that you will be all "Mr.Perfect" next month. It won't happen because it is not very easy to turn around some of our life time patterns. So be patient with yourself and make changes that you can keep.
Try do not be someone today and another person tomorrow. It will make your situation worse.
What you did last night was good. It's a start. As I understand it has been building up inside your W for quite long time, so be patient. It will take quite some time for her to let go her anger, resentment towards you.
Get yourself to work and start listing what are your ideas you think you can take to make yourself the person only a fool would leave?
You can start somewhere and then post here, we will give our opinions, thumb's up, criticism and 2 x 4s, but that will help you to get to your own conclusion of what "YOU" want.
Also, try to start doing something on your own. Be a bit more secretive, do not try to spend more time then you need with her. Don't be afraid that if you are not glue to her that she will think you are OK with everything and just feel at easy.
She is also hurting. She is scared and probably reluctant (if there is no one else in the picture). Even the spouse that decides to leave feels a lot of pain and confusion.
Some easy fixer ups are your appearance, do you like what you see in the mirror? If not, slowly start changing it... not for her, but for you.
The journey can be long, but it is worthy to try, you won't regret. You will become a better person and in the way you may get your W back.
