Sorry for being absent for so long and thank you all for caring enough to ask how I am. I'm not really sure is the answer to that question. I think I've reached some kind of saturation point and am just getting on with things because nothing is changing and I just needed a break from talking about it all.
My Dad has had some of his tests and they have found nothing wrong so now he has to have more tests over the coming weeks but he feels fine so that's good.
Last week was eventful to say the least. I ended up being sent home from work in a state on the Wednesday because a colleague broke it to me that she has heart it is all around our village that H is having an affair with one of the women in the village. I almost collapsed from the shock and physical nausea feeling the news gave me. I went straight to confront H at his Dad's about it. He laughed at first and profusely denied it, despite me sitting in front of him in a complete state! Then he got angry that such a rumour was circulating about him and wanted to march off to confront the people saying it. He swears it is ludicrous and that he does nothing except work, sleep and come see the kids. After the initial shock I don't really feel anything about it. I think I have just had so much thrown at me to deal with by him that now I am just numb to it all.
At the weekend it was the anniversary of his Mum's death so I got flowers and cards for him and his Dad from me and the kids and we took them round. Not DBing but I am not going to change my thoughtful and compassionate nature just because I'm DBing. H couldn't have made us feel more unwelcome when we took them round so we only stayed a couple of minutes. He wanted us all to go out to tea later in the day but he didn't show so we went out just the three of us.
I'm just keeping myself busy with fun things with the kids and the basic hectic work of being a single Mum while working full time. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted and there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day.
H is still the same. Coming round every evening if he isn't at work and just sits, doing nothing. S has had another rant at him about how much he hates him for what he's doing to 'us' and told him he doesn't want him to come round anymore.
I realised today that it will be 4 months next Tuesday since he left and still he apparently doesn't know what he wants to do. I feel like he has almost burned his bridges now. I don't want a divorce, don't want to be a single Mum but with all he's doing I'm not even sure anymore how I feel about him. This scares me and makes me so sad that if he does decide he wants to come back I won't want him to.
Going to try to catch up on everyone's situations now.
