Just read your story and it is very unfortunate that you have to live all this. I am very and truly sorry it is happening in your life.
I am not sure if I just missed it, but what are really your legal rights regarding S13? Since he is not your biological son, does his birth certificate recognize his biological father?
Once you got married to your WW, did you adopt S13?
If not, I am curious to know if the court would give you any custodial rights in this case. If the child has his legal parents alive, then they have the rights first. I understand that you will only get custody rights if you can prove to the court that his parents are not capable of raising him.
And that is a battle no matter what.
About doing or not doing the DB principles, the application needs to be regarding you and you alone. If the changes on you will attract your WW that is something that may happen or not. It is you that needs to live in peace with yourself.
The info you gave us is that your WW is very dysfunctional. She is very angry at you and I would guess she is very angry at the world right now because she is feeling very sorry for herself for a long, long time.
What you can do about that? Nothing. You can't and you won't change her unless one day she decides to help herself.
What you can do about you? A lot. For example, start looking into your sleeping issues. If you do not sleep well, then you won't think well and this can be a major setback for you.
Go to a doctor, get ADs or some mild sleeping pills. You need to be thinking clear, so you can address every situation with a clear mind.
Is your diet good, have you been eating right?
I know you mention you exercise and that is a big Hooray for you. Great job.
Your emotions will also betray you and your perception of the whole situation. What you did for your WW in saving her from the big villain is exactly what you are doing for S13 and trying to save him from his demon mom. Is not that?
You said you married her, so I guess if there is a divorce, then she will take the 50% of everything? If so, she does not need to have money to file, she can get a lawyer that will make you pay for the whole process. So, why is she waiting on this?
I think your WW is sick from even before getting together with you. She may need a lot of psychotherapy before she gets herself to a better place. She does not want that help right now and that is bad for you and her children, and IMO to everyone that crosses her path. She lacks love for herself.
You can't force her to do anything, but you can keep trying to be kind and show by example. Why I say this? Not for you to be a doormat, but because you still love her and until you say it is enough and walk away, there is just so much you can do.
Regarding talking to the lawyer were she works, I think it is very unethical and unprofessional. You are a lawyer, you probably know that you will be crossing the line on this.
I don't know if it would help, but if you can't just talk to someone because that person is angry. You may need to give some time on that... and you said you have been. Maybe you can think about the things that can bring the best out of her. Like she likes chocolate cake??? One of those out of the blue days, stop by and just drop the cake saying you just tough about it.
Some may see it as manipulative, but you need to slow the anger mode, see a more civilized side to deal with a very delicate situation that can trigger very serious problems not only for you but for these teenagers. She is not thinking much right now, it is up to you to make the most of it and try to be on her good side.
I wouldn't worry about her A right now, for me it looks like she is just jumping to another rescue. Since she does not have any self worthy, she needs someone else to validate what she is doing.
Tim, it is a very hard situation and you are trying to do the right thing. IMHO, I think you need to take things into little blocks and separate the situations as best as you can. You think she is using her kids to hurt you, and she may think you are using S13 to control her.
Stop, breath, go out for a little while with a friend and take a break from the turmoil for a few hours. It will be healthy for you and will help the situation.
Remember that DB is about you. It is about what you want to see in the mirror. Who you want to be next week, in a year, 5 years and so on from now. It's about detaching yourself from your WW and being a whole person. Respecting your boundaries. Respecting your core values.
I know it is hard work, and much more if kids are included, but you need to do this for your own good. Be patient with yourself, start your baby steps and keep following it, you will get yourself to a better place.
Hope today is a little brighter then yesterday. Take care, Pink
