Too Much Time Is Passing By

[HopeRB]

Bummed that I am at the biggest crossroads in my life and feeling alone in it all. But I know here's something bigger than I can see happening here and all I need to do is be patient. I've just got so much to do to get on my feet.

[broke]

It's very hard to be in limbo but you've really got a great attitude, Hope. I see so much growth and strength in you the last couple days. Stay strong - you've got this!

[Thornton]

It's tough for sure. You are not alone, Broke.

[HopeRB]

Aye. Thanks guys. I dont know what you would call this: limbo or dropping the rope. I don't care anymore.

Maybe I care a little?

Nope, don't care.

(Example of the ups and downs of my emotions. I wish it would stop b/c I feel just batty.)

[Sparkls]

Right there with you girly!
Something I just read in one of my silly getting past your breakup books:
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

[TimR]

I am not girly (at least I don't think so) but I can certainly understand. I feel the exact same way with emotions. Sometimes I hate her and then just want to hold her. It never stops and never the same. Even with all this anger and loathing I still have feelings for her. How sorry am I?

[HopeRB]

Didn't get any sleep. At all. I just keep shaking my head at all of this. I miss my H but don't think he misses me.

[Thornton]

Hey Hope,

Sorry you struggled last night. Those sleepless nights are killers.

This is just a dip on the roller coaster you are on. You will bounce back. Allow yourself to process your hurt feelings, this will help you take another step towards detachment.

I often wonder if W misses me too. We are completely NC. I think you are NC too if I'm not mistaken.

Remember (and this serves as a reminder for myself as well)...

This is not your life. You won't feel this way forever. You will fall in love again, either with H or someone better. You will laugh so hard you'll cry. You will feel light and breezy again. You will.

[TimR]

Oh Hope I am sorry to hear that, making it through the day without any sleep is torture, plus dealing with our sitches and trying to GAL and detach wears us down even more.

I am wishing you strength for today. You can get through this Hope, I know you can.

[HopeRB]

Thank you Thornton and Tim for your support and always knowing the right thing to say to make gal feel ok.

Went to the gym and coffee shop today and GAL'd last night. Did some karaoke with old boss and some old coworkers and I'm very proud of myself that I put on a smile and felt good just to take a mental break for a few hours. I was so tired from not getting sleep the night before but I went out anyway bc I just didn't want to be home. I was also a bit irresponsible, bought myself a few items b/c I just wanted to treat myself but I feel bad bc of all the stuff I have to take care of...

A friend invited me to a show tonight so going to go there. But it is Saturday and I wonder if H is just sitting alone in the room he rents a few blocks down and working (as he says this is all he does and he doesn't go out), or if he is out with "our" friends or with another woman. I haven't heard from him since I saw him even though he "said" he wasn't going to go dark like that anymore and didn't want me to feel abandoned. Even though he knows I've been very sick- still silence. But I'm pressing on. I keep running into ppl or hearing about ppl who are recently engaged, married or pregnant and my heart just sinks bc of the state of my life right now. Wondering if I should not wear my rings bc I look like a delusional fool.