So, 1 year after BD, 6 months after the D, I guess this is where I should find myself.
I thought I have dropped the rope but realised that the ex was still yanking me around.
The whole ordeal has really taken a lot out of me. My health is suffering, and I feel like I have lost a huge chunk of my brain. I thought I was surviving but somehow I have backslid to existing.
In this day and age, I would never have thought that I would be cast stones for being a divorcee and that my kid would be ostracised. Is it because I 'seem' too happy and people assume that it must be my fault? Or has the malicious spread so fast to where I am.
But I think my hide is growing thicker.
And kid's hurt. Kid's hurt still kills me. We were listening to Adele's 'Hello' when kid asked me, 'Did you break daddy's heart?'
I told her, 'Daddy broke my heart too.' Kid said, 'Yes, daddy also broke my heart.'
So many broken hearts.
But we must get on with life. When I see kid's beautiful face, I realise that both of us still had such a long way to go.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
It's an ongoing process. I find myself still holding threads from time to time. But now when I realize it, I'm more annoyed at myself than hurt at him.
I'm sorry you and the kid are hurting. It really does get better.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Grl, welcome to the neighborhood. I haven't kept up with your sich very well, I have to admit Newcomers moves too quickly for me these days. Can you give me a brief recap of the last couple months? You seem to still be quite unsettled, just hit the highlights for me. Hugs to you.
In the last 2 months, the ex has been very erratic. At first he said he wanted to continue seeing kid during the week but was upset when I kept kid away for about 3 weeks to make sure the lice don't come back.
When kid was okay, he didnt seem as keen to have her. Once, he only gave me less than 2 hours to react to his sudden change in plans to pick kid up. He went into an angry spew when I didnt respond to him as fast as he thought I should. He kept calling and texting me and my family, and even threatened to call the cops on me. When I called back, he was almost hysterical and of course we quarrelled. I pursued to know why he was so upset. He then refused to pick up my calls.
Eventually he picked up and kept hanging up on me. Basically he rewrite history again and said that he didnt say he didnt love me the last few years and that no one is perfect.
I still dont understand his drastic reaction but guess I never will. I dont buy hus explanation that he was worried that we were in an accident. Mind reading here but I hate that whatever crap he is having with the TP, he dumps on us.
But what bugs me most is how he keeps dropping kid last minute and how he picks kid up so late from childcare and kid is akways so tired the next day.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
This week was a special week in the ex-M. I can't help feeling mopey. Was feeling rather expansive and nostalgic. And I realised that maybe in his own way, the ex did try in the M.
So, for the rather brief and fleeting moments during these past few days, I was able to wish him well. Of course, I am hoping that he will end up with another person other than the TP. But knowing him, he won't have the energy nor the effort to look for someone new. The TP and he just conveniently fell into each other's lap.
So there's that.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Hey lovely, it feels like a long time since we connected. I am glad to see you have moved to some awesome support from this part of the forum. I am sure they will provide you with all the support and love you need to get through this part of BD and DBing. You have a definite handful with H and his spew and using your lovely girl in the mix. I think for the short term JksD getting you to the point of feeling strong, happy and settled in yourself is the goal. H behaviour has undermined your confidence big time with his abuse and neglect. The recent gossipy school lot is not helping and the social pressure for you related to the stigma of D in your homeland is not helpful. That's a lot Sista! Make sure you keep dropping by so we can lift you up and love you through this.
JksD you have one of the sweetest dispositions and you are one of the funniest wittiest women I know. Chin up you gorgeous woman!!
Hi Jelly, Thanks for dropping by and tracking me down here.
Hope you and the gang understand if I don't join the party bus as often as I should cuz I don't want to whine and slow the whole bus down. That doesn't mean that I don't think that you party revelers are the funniest and kindest people I have ever met.
You revelers plus other dbers here have shown me a side of me that has never been reflected in the ex's eyes. It is nice to know that I am not that bad a person. I had always told the what I see reflected in his and his family's eyes is a woman who is mean, nasty, entitled and unreasonable.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Maybe I am that to them but I know that I have much more to offer and I had offered them much more than that.
I am a work in progress and I realise that I try too hard to please people. Because I was always expected to be nice as a girl. I bend over backwards, sacrifice my needs because I just don't know how to have healthy boundaries and say no.
I am now learning to say no more and more often without feeling like I am the meanest biatch in the world. Both personally and professionally. I am also learning not to take things too personally. Realise that this is also about drawing boundaries.
I realised that I have drawn my boundaries so big and wide that all and sundry are included too much in my life, so much so that I don't have the energy and niceness to give to the people who really matter in my life.
Work is also a very easy thing to bury myself in. I have to stop taking the easy way out and start doing things that are unpleasant, uneasy but necessary.
Takeovers for my next R, but really for the rest of my life.
Good thing is that I am getting more and more chillaxed. I still do the dizzying Chicken Little scurrying around, but I catch myself and stop more quickly than before.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I'm sorry about all the spew. That's something I've never really had to deal with, I hope someone else will step up and help you out with that part.
For now, you just need to be stable. You do need to spell out some boundaries, maybe weed some people out. Maybe seek out some new people.
What are your short term goals here? Goals related to Kid, related to the X, related to work, related to GAL. They don't have to be lofty, they can be really simple. But it's something to focus on.
