Feeling he's in MLC, but in D process

[ciluzen]

H called again, this time to ask what day to come work on our property. I'm so glad he caught me driving to a GAL activity, too. He suggested asking a teen friend that I had hired last year to come help us clean up the property. I explained that he would want to be paid. H said he would pay him.

This from the person who was so worried about money and told me not to spend any, and after being told that our appliance needed repair. I also know that he got a list of repairs needed to sell the house from my L. And we both got a letter from the mediator spelling their costs (H said he would pay).

I am surprisingly just shaking my head and chuckling. I have always handled the finances and have had to deal with his thoughtless spending in the past few years. I was always able to smooth things over, even though savings and such suffered. I was always able to shuffle things around and stretch our paychecks to cover.

In the past, he was very careful with money. Had the attitude of if you can't pay cash, don't buy it. I respected his investment knowledge,his budgeting, his thriftyness. I followed suit and taught myself even more about those things. We didn't buy name brands; garage sales, thrift shops, and seconds stores became places to treasure hunt, craigslist was a great addition. My kids learned all of this very well. We were able to put money away and still travel or do fun things for us or the kids when we wanted.

But as MLC hit, it was clear that he had changed. When I would say I didn't think we could afford a certain purchase, he would literally stomp his feet and say, "I'm a ______(insert profession here). I can make as much money as I want to make). Don't tell me I can't afford it!". When I pointed out one time how much money he spent on alcohol in one month (he switch from beer to fancying himself a bartender who loved making mixed drinks for all the ladies), he acted like it was a normal thing (it was a very large amount).

But, as said before, he fired me as his advisor and wife. He's on his own with his money worries. I need to focus on me. This D is a business transaction. It makes me sad to see how a man I still very much love is hurting, and is so depressed and worried about money, work, retirement...but he needs to deal with his choices. His choices are what has him over-extended. The reality needs to hit him...alone. I wonder if he'll ever come out of this?