So came back from a quick business trip, and during that trip got an opportunity to switch to a new role. It was somewhat late when I got home, and middle of putting my kids to bed and such, but I did want to share this news. My wife a while after I got home did ask how my trip went, and was already moving on to another topic barely after I said good - feels like that happens a lot in her feeling she should ask but not feeling like she cares about the answer. I did bring the topic back, and mention my news. She asked a couple of questions about it, but then stopped my mid answer with a hand timeout signal to deal with something with our oldest and getting him to bed. We dealt with that for 10 min, and then when we both got back downstairs, she's talking about some funny interaction with the kids and then she goes back to reading her book. I wait a few minutes thinking if I should force picking up my conversation again, and think better of it given how late and tired I was feeling, and put myself to bed.
Is this normal to feel this kind of irritation in our situation? Is this part of detaching? I'm still trying to find the balance point in this situation as I get she's still in the I suck mind set, but after a few months of putting extra effort to be there when she needs to talk, and I guess not talking about my day to day stuff, when I've got some real news I'm really annoyed to get shutdown.
I'm feeling good about the changes I've made to myself (lot more work to do). I feel my R with my kids has gotten better, i.e. my youngest has completely stopped saying that I look stressed all the time. My wife and others have made repeated comments about the improvements I've made. I feel I'm doing a much better job managing my anger / tone in my voice, and trying to put aside my gut reactions (fight or flight) to dig into what is the other person trying to say to find out many times its not something I should feel defensive about...
I guess I miss feeling like I've got someone to share with. I know I've seen a lot of improvements in the R with my W, but its so hard to feel like I'm making excuses for her shutting me out at times...
I also feel blocked in thinking about the future. Is the topic of separation going to come back up again in the summer when the kids are out of school and off to camp and such, and we're by ourselves. I don't know how to think about the future like switching job roles if I could get hit with that's it we need to sell the house...
