REALLY trying to detach...but GALing regardless!#5

[- MB -]

Hi everyone! I haven't been on here much lately. It just seems like when I come to the forums lately, things just seem more and more hopeless to me. I did want to thank NY for posting for me and for everyone that sent me hugs, warm thoughts and prayers my way. And, thank you Tyler, you're always so sweet to me.

As most everyone knows, I've been NC with H for the better part of 5 months now. There was a brief R attempt in Dec, but H was just lying to me and never intended to work on things with me. Other than that, we have been NC. I do miss him and want to talk to him. Had even been thinking of going over there, but always talk myself out of it.

The day before Valentine's Day the OW came to my house and wanted to talk to me. I'm sure the right thing to do would have been to refuse to talk to her and tell her to figure out things on her own. That's not what I did. I talked to her and answered her questions honestly. Didn't lie to her. Didn't try to protect H at all. Just told her the truth. I believe it caused her and my H go temporarily "break up" for a short time. If that were the case, it's definitely back on now. I guess in H's eyes, I'm supposed to sit back, keep my mouth shut, and protect him while he has a PA with ow. How dare me tell the truth to someone when the ask me a question about H! Never mind that he talks to ow about ME. That he tells her about MY Kids. That he SHOWS her where my apartment is. That isn't allowed to bother me. I'm just supposed to be backup plan and STFU while he gets his jollies.

On Wednesday afternoon my son was in an accident that ended with him being run over by a school bus. We are still in the hospital watching his injuries and waiting to see if the bleeding in his belly has stopped for good or if he will need to have surgery. He's stable for now and things are looking good for him. He might even get to go home this evening or maybe tomorrow if his blood counts continue to look good.

I reached out to H and called him to let him know about the accident. I didn't do it just to have a reason to contact him. I just really thought he would want to know and felt it was the right thing to do. I was wrong. He doesn't care! I will admit that when he didn't answer TWICE, I was irritated with him and was a bit short with him in my text message. I did not tell him that my son was okay...or even alive. I am really having a hard time understanding how he can not care enough to even check to see if he is alive or not! He didn't have to contact ME, he could have called another of my kids or my parents. This is just so hurtful to me. He not only doesn't seem to care if he knows if my S is alive or not, he doesn't even care one bit about how his injury or possible death is affecting me. I understand A fog and all that, but aren't there just some things that require even just a modicum of compassion or common decency?

I suppose I'm mindreading just a tad (yes, I do have a mindreading degree in a previous life!), but I really think that his refusal to pick up the phone or even text/call back is because I spoke with his ow a few weeks ago. I was wondering how mad he was going to be at me and how long his anger would last. Well, I got half of the question answered. He's pretty darn ticked off! How long will it last? Forever???? What can I do about it? Nothing! Seems to be the story of my life these days.

This right here is exactly why I haven't been posting here lately. I feel like I'm in an endless repeating loop. H is a jerk, nothing I can do about it, get over it. Just very frustrated these days. I'm tired of feeling like all I do is complain and feel defeated. If anyone is still reading this, thanks for listening to me vent and feel sorry for myself. I will eventually work through it, but not today.