WAS or what (6)

[roist]

I finally finished reading "codependent no more". There are some good insights but I found some of it overpadded with less useful stuff. That being said it was worth the read and I think it is a book I could reread and take notes from.

I am slow at reading as to read you need to take the time to just read. This is why I prefer listening to podcasts. At the moment I am listening a lot to those on the "excel at life" website. Some really good stuff there aboutm mindful thinking, happiness, self esteem, etc. They also have an application for Android telephones which is free.

At the start of the year I signed up for several marriage help email lists. When I started my journey that was an obsession and I listened repeatedly to marriage help videos and podcasts. Now it is not an obsession but I find it useful to have different inputs. That helps me tweak my behaviour and actions. At this stage I know that my M will not work until the day my W decides she wants it to. I can do nothing to make that happen. I can only do what I can on my side and in time that may be enough.But even if not, I am learning and doing a lot of small stuff that will serve me in the future.

I have just sorted a big issue that was hanging over me about work. It was a big source of stress, but I was confident that I would get through it and be OK. Well not only did it not cost me a lot of money which it did look like for a while I actually earned a lot from it. That was unthinkable when this arose last autumn.Just goes to show that things can work out better than expected.

This week when looking for a file on the computer I came across twoketters that I had written to my W. I was replying to a letter she had given me about us not being good and her not knowing a solution.At the time I was in full depression. I found the letters to be well written and clear. But they were mainly outlining how I felt. I can see that now. One mentioned me being stressed for years over us not being as good as I wanted. The major thing about this is that these were written at the end of 2013. I knew how long we were not great but seeing it in black and white really hit home. I still feel some of the stuff I expressed back then. Re-seeing how long I have been struggling could have knocked me for six. I suppose it did a little. But instead of bringing me down it has remotivated me.

I have a fair bit on this weekend.

Thanks for reading.Happy thoughts everyone and have a good weekend.