Thank you Fogg, mega hugs back to you.

It is four o'clock in the morning and I am really struggling again. I have night terrors and I am feeling nameless dread.

It is fear and apprehension which has no sense to it. Extensive flashbacks and PTSD, I know they are not real but for the immediate period after waking I am really afraid and then it settles into anxiety. It is way above threshold for meds which don't help much and ironically have a paradoxical effect.

At least they are less during the daytime now, it's just the night.

I often feel like I am being smothered and suffocated. I puke and lose control and then sit in a warm bath because I sweat and it's unpleasant. I feel like I have a large lump in my stomach as if I have eaten a large mass of pus coloured rubber.

I tell mysel it will pass and I make sure I rest.

Truly unsettling.

Sometimes it's the creeping man from Twin Peaks and then it's silent, that nightmare wakes me silently and my mouth is dry and truly tastes awful.

The days following these episodes are a struggle.

This morning a little lost.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW