The neighbor is just a placeholder, someone else will fill that role at some point. You assume she doesn't want a D but she's basically emotionally divorced from you. Her being civil and caring about you not to hurt you doesn't mean she wants a romantic relationship with you anymore, or ever will. It's hard but it's the same with mine. Don't connect those two dots and assume something will come from it eventually. Also, your spending way too much time antipicating and expecting how things will progress in the future. That wishful thinking is denial. You don't have to assume she does want D but don't assume it's just a temporary separation either, move forward and let the chips fall where they fall.

Let me ask you one question to get you thinking for a while. Don't need to respond here, just consider it. Her own issues aside(since this is about her) what have you really changed about you. Why would she want to remain married to you instead of moving onto someone/Something new. What is it that you bring to the table that will attract her back. Dig deep here. Stability for the kids and a better lifestyle because of incomes are likely guaranteed so they can't be the main points.

You do alot of talking about what she's doing that's so hurtful to you and very little about yourself other than a few new activities.

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be