Don't have much time for details on how busy I have been with doctors for S21, college stuff for S19 and all the football and whining from S15 (almost 16 now).
Glad for the update and I do think that posting is a great way of getting things out of our chests. Somehow it helps a lot, gives me energy.
Like you I also think that I am a doormat for my kids. I do things for myself but my family was and is the first of my priorities. Part of my admiration for you is exactly that. You are a family man and that is not little value, it is an amazing work of love and caring.
I always say that I know what it takes to be there for the kids and I mean it. Life with teenagers is crazy and when you decide to be part of it, then crazy has another dimension.
I don't really know what to think about your W. As well, I don't know what to think about my XH. They did all this to their families, they live in an emotional misery and are always present in our lives, but they do not want us.
So, I guess only time will tell if life will take another turn and we may be somewhat happy again.
I always think about you, every single day when I feel something I think that maybe you are feeling the same. Sometimes I cry and look at a broken family and I think your heart may be aching for that too. Sometimes my legs and feet are hurting and I am still pushing myself to get all done about the kids and I think you are doing the same. I can even picture you running lots of errands and going crazy with so much to do in a house.
And sometimes I picture the man in solitude. Like me, you probably goes into thinking what the future really holds for you. If you need to stand up and just let that heart be empty about feeling for your W or if you keep holding a little longer on some hope that does not resolve itself.
You are an amazing man RD, you have been done what many would just get by in your situation. You had, have and will always support your kiddos and it is a priceless value you hold.
Your integrity and kindness are 1st class. You are a good friend here, help many to see the other side of the story. You have been learning a lot and is now a different man emotionally.
OK, you will say you are scared, afraid someone will enter that heart and break it into pieces again. There is nothing wrong or bad with that. It is actually something good, because you will never let yourself go again, you will be an individual being in a R with another individual being. Just together by choice.
I wish I can comfort you more, but like you I have my own turmoil and I don't really know how to solve it now, besides letting time and distance to do the work for me.
I guess your feelings with your W is kind of mixed up with the feelings for what you had planned - A FAMILY. This is what bothers me the most lately, knowing that my family is broken is something that breaks my heart. Knowing what my kids are going through is an infinite pain.
RD, you know that you are the dearest member of this board to me. I care for you more then you can image. I wish that you will have a better life soon. That your heart will be free of so many wounds and you will feel joy again.
And talking about joy, any GAL that you have been doing or done? Tells us RD adventures. What are the cold adventures for this man?
I know you had to take care after D15 and that is no easy stuff. You are indeed a good dad. My kids go through stuff and their father is never there for them.
I will update my page, not much happening with XH, just the same old that is getting older. Decided to change jobs, I am looking for something else in order to make more money. Got my taxes done and planned for taxes next year and just happen that my government thinks I make too much money, so they will collect a lot from me.
In view of all what I need to pay, I need to move forward and look for ways to bring more bacon. But makes me sad that I may not be able to just take my vacations as I was planning. We will see, maybe things will turn around and it will be possible. I still think we would have a blast drinking some beer and maybe you can teach me how to ride a bike again. So many years away from those babies.
My advice? I really don't have one besides what you are already doing. Being supportive, caring, understanding, breaking your own boundaries to accommodate the kids emotional side, working hard and keep it all together. What else can you do?
You are indeed a very good man, keep being the person you are.
