Looking for a Spark in the dark

[Sparkls]

I gotta watch that too. However thinking:

Before WW: I was not fond of kids, was very frivolous and materialistic and lonely.

Post WW: I am willing to do anything for the boys (although that was them not her) am more grounded and again lonely.

I can see that she opened my world up through her kids and I love her for that.

See, I spent like 3 hours trying to think of something. And the most I came up with was he kept me acting young/fun and he made me be a little bit more liberal with my ideas (I tend to be Middle road all the way). I'll think on it more but everything I came up with were ways I pushed *him* to be better.
A very dear family friend told me to just be careful that I'm not just looking for people to fix. Because I'm a fixer. I'm a healer. But in a relationship, that won't be healthy for me or the relationship. I didn't think that's what me and H's relationship was but maybe it played a bigger role than I thought. I never wanted to fix him. I just was pushing him to try and do better. (in my head, those are two distinct things but maybe they aren't).

Why am I the one doing all the self reflection in this?! I'm not the one who effed up.