My first post - please be nice.

[collin]

No where to start but to come straight out and say it: I ruined my marriage. I treated it like a hobby and I always lived under the illusion that I could act/say/do whatever (never cheated though) and my wife would stay with me, because...well...because marriage. So, I blew it. I admit it. Also, to continue my rash of screw ups, what did I do when she told me? Refer to item #1 in the list of things to NOT do...I did that...all of that.

So, when my wife told me she wasn't happy and wanted to move out, why was I surprised? I guess what she has been claiming all along: SELFISHNESS. I agree, maybe there is a little lot of selfishness in me.

She is planning her move sometime in April when our daughter is tracked out of school and can go stay with a friend. In the meantime I am relegated to the couch. (Admittedly, it's surprisingly comfortable) I've been trying the 180 (not saying "I love you" is the hardest) Cause what if she thinks, well, he's accepting it and moving on? Anyways, my 180 fell apart last night, because, well... I told her I didn't want her to move out and I think she's screwing up by doing so.

Pretty much what I think I got out of her rebuke was: she wasn't happy at home, doesn't know if she'll ever be happy at home, her mind is made up, she's leaving. She is willing to go see a counselor only AFTER she's left. I told her that, "I don't know what your grand plan is in all of this, I don't know if you want to go live the single life or what. But, for me, I'm going to take advantage of this situation to become the best me I can be so I can be a better husband for you, because that's what I want and I love you." I left it at that and had to go pick up our daughter. Dang it felt good saying that though!

Time to start the 180 in earnest now though. But, we have events we have to attend (we foster dogs and have adoption events/vet trips/etc..). I don't know how to "behave" on these. Act like a married couple? Act like friends? Avoid her while we're there? If I am understanding the list correctly, don't act "married" but act cordial. Be her friend, not her husband. Am I right?

I think the hardest part is church though. Because our church is the one she grew up in and she got me going to it. I help out with the A/V and she helps out with the kids, so just not going is not an option. So, we have to be there together. All the while, she doesn't want it to get out that we're separating. Not at church, to her parents, to anyone. I guess it's just going to be our secret. Sort of feels like hanging out in limbo.