I hear you Thornton, the detaching is such a roller coaster. I know in my heart I can manage on my own, that I don't need someone helping me do stuff like my W does.
I knew hearing these little bits of information and although I don't have expectations, they go round my head probably as much as they are going round W's.
Reading about your stay away a month before BD brought back memories. The day before I found her at his place she told me she wanted to love me better... That she had seen my old self when I looked after her when she was sick 2 days before.
I know tomorrow is going to be a hard day to wake up to, the first day waking up in a house all to myself... But I will do it, I will hit the gym tonight.
I know in my heart that my family can offer my W more than this connection to this OM but until she sees it, this process goes on.
Si - you'll make it through tomorrow. I would suggest having all your clothes and stuff ready to go so you can wake up, get dressed and get on with your day.
I remember the first morning waking up by myself in "our new house". It was silent. My whole routine was different. You just have to establish a new rhythm. Once you can do that, it gets easier.
We built our house only a year and a half ago, still has work to be done on it so I will have things to keep my busy. W just wants to sell but never looked into the financial disaster it would put us in as we would come out so far behind.
I will keep doing things to make it a home for my kids. It's funny, one of her conplaints was there wasn't enough progress to keep her happy, that even one light fixture would have been enough at times, kids told me her apartment has no light fixtures either. Feels such a waste that we will be spending money doing up 2 places instead of the house we designed together.
I had DivorceCare last night and the topic was anger.
I've had little bouts of anger here and there but I don't think I've fully crossed over into anger, yet.
I've been feeling a little sad at times and then numb. I wonder if my Anti-D's have fully kicked in. It's been about 6 weeks so I should be at the therapeutic level now.
Lately I've been watching a lot of TED Talks on Youtube. For those of you that aren't familiar, I encourage you to check them out. Really good stuff.
As for W, still NC and I have no idea what she is doing or thinking. I'm slowly detaching and thinking about a future without her. Sometimes I honestly don't think how I could go on without her. And other times, I envision myself with another person who is willing to put as time and energy into a R as I am.
I miss W, terribly. But I'm starting to wonder how much she loved me to begin with. Perhaps due to her issues, she isn't capable of love?
It truly is about her and her issues Thornton. Our WAW would be unhappy with Prince Charming. Take that as a reprieve from all the what ifs or I shoulda dones. Probably wouldnt have mattered much.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Hey Thornton, its hard not to have those thoughts about whether they ever really us. I think the same thing too, and actually friends have voiced the same questions. Lets face it though we are never really going to get the answers to that so important question, so we need to just let it go.
Like you I am starting to imagine my life with someone else. IDK, is that something that comes with detachment? Maybe when we truly detach they can no longer hurt out because we are all but walking away. If that is the case, the more I detach the less likely I will come back.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
I vacillate between thinking what you suggested, that she would have left Prince Charming as well. And also blaming myself for not being a better partner.
Our R was her longest at 5 years. She's had lots of 1-2 year relationships. She did mention months before bomb, that if we were ever to go out seperate ways, that she was done with relationships, that they were too much work. I think she is a lot like her mother. Her mom has been single for years and years after many failed relationships.
