Really glad you had a good sleep Thorton. It is so important, and your day goes so much better when you get a good one in.
As for stringing yourself along. I feel the same way. Like here I am doing what I can for myself, yet just a little of it is so S may see it and say damn it. I screwed up. These things do change and some of it has gone away with time.
For me V-ball was something to get W back. Now I can't wait for it cause it's fun. The gym may be the same thing for you. Time is our friend
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
