In House S (7)

[vise82]

Hey Ojap,

I get what you are saying. I would like to be in a place where her actions have no affect on how I feel. Then I wouldn't be feeling what I am right now.

It would be freedom from the trap of being hurt by her. This is the hard part, how does that happen, the detachment. It has been discussed on here many times I have read about it many times. Its about letting go. I don't know if that is a choice or what but slowly it is going to happen, It has not yet for me or I wouldn't be feeling what I am feeling right now.

VAPO,

You are correct I have not touched her or even tried to touch her in months. She hasn't kissed me in years, except one drunken night the last time we had sex.

I don't think its so black and white with how she thinks about my feelings. Its more of a she cares more about this other guy more that she cares about me. That is the part that stings. When she leaves she is making a choice between him and me and I loose. With her not respecting me, well I don't respect her.

I am so mad.

I hope that using this forum will ease some of that anger.

I know what I should do and I was Ok faking it and being there with our good interaction in the house, but right now I want to kick her out and send her across the street to live.

To leave this alone, I can do that. I don't want to look weak and pathetic. It this anger that I need to control. Yesterday I helped her out and got home early and for what for her to crap on me???

We still need each other right now to get this S to go through, for each of us to act civil for the kids, for us to work together to split the house up and get paper work together. I am to be strong and just let it go and act like I am ok with it all?

I am not, I am forced to do this, forced to S, forced to not take it to court. Forced to move.

I did not force her to marry me. It was her choice, and it was her choice to tell me it not me its her for two years while we were having problems. She chose to lie about what she was feeling inside to me. She chose to let the MR die inside of her with out letting me know that was happening. That the problems were so bad that it was going to end the MR.

This is so exhausting.