I'm angry at myself for taking my wife for granted. My actions made her feel unloved, unappreciated, unattractive and irrelevant. I'm angry at my poor communication skills. I have never been proficient at communicating my wants and needs and, combined with my wife's poor communication skills, created a recipe for my predicament. I'm angry at myself for deluding myself into believing that my previous pot smoking was not affecting my life, my relationships and my marriage (W doesn't know because she thought I quit prior to our M). It made me lazy and sapped my motivation to do anything new which made my W feel like she had to plan our activities. I wish I had a redo and I've been working on these things, but I still have more work to do.
I'm angry that it is so easy for people to get a divorce these days and I'm angry at the people who have supported my WW by telling her she needs to find her happiness, she deserves happiness and she is doing what is best for her. What about what is best for our D3 and family?
Lastly, I'm angry at my WW. I'm angry at her for not communicating her needs more clearly to me. Although she said she was dissatisfied with our sex life, she made it my responsibility to fix it (she believes it is the man's responsibility to initiate sex and from my POV, all affection). I'm angry that I feel that she didn't try to tell me in a different way that didn't feel like nagging. She has a bag of toys. I think I'd be pretty receptive but she thinks telling me is sufficient and women never I initiate. That would be initiating. I'm angry that she thinks I never listened to her. Although I could have done a better job, there are lots more incidents where I did listen compared to incidents that I appeared to ignore her. I'm also angry that I feel that she gave up on us too soon. I'm not ready to quit. I made a commitment to her in front of family, friends and God. Life is hard and happiness primarily comes from within. I hope that by posting this, I am able to let go of this anger and allow room for peace and love to envelope me and let that help me to proceed forward.
