The begining of the rest of my new life? (3)

[Ripe]

Two days ago STBXW and I had a joint session with my therapist.
Since her psychotic event in December 2014, STBXW has been having therapy through Skype with therapist who speak our mother tong.
Since we are living abroad, we now decided STBXW should have a support network also here.
The only specialist we found was my current therapist.
It is not the best solution, I would prefer to keep him all to myself.
But since it is ethical and doable, we took the decision.
The therapist scheduled a meeting to set boundaries and limits and to inform us how exactly he will be doing to parallel therapies. The purpose is not reconciliation and this is not couples therapy.
Where I want to get to is that STBXW said exactly this during the meeting. She also said that she was very clear as to what she wanted, which is, the divorce. She added she had been confused before the event, but after it she was firm in what she wanted.
It's a pity she forgot to mention the reconciliation which happened in June 2015. She has never explained to me why she then decided once more for the divorce all of the sudden.
I had intense feelings of hate all over again, watching her telling those things.
And today I still have these feelings with me. I hate her. Not because she destroyed our marriage - now I see I would not like to be with this person and that she would never satisfy my needs - but because she destroyed my family.
I feel such pain for not being able to provide my kids with a family.