So W finally moved to her apartment on Sunday night and moved her stuff out yesterday. I have had my kids with me, they go to her tomorrow afternoon until Saturday morning when I get to pick them up again and have them for the following 5 days. So to begin this separation, I will have the kids for 8 out of 10 days, made sure to make it harder on her at the start. She hasn't seen or heard from them since Sunday afternoon.
The last words I had with her were the plans I had for this year as a family, the things I will still do with the kids, plans I know she would have wanted to do. She had tried to say sorry but again didnt want to say what for. She also said she didnt know who to trust.
Struggled a bit yesterday when I got home to find her stuff gone but focused on my kids. Know it will be hard tomorrow night not having them here but will hit the gym. Friday i will also keep myself busy as W took D3 chest of drawers with her, so will go get her a new one. D3 was of course a bit upset that her room had been changed.
Now I am moving into dark mode as much as possible, will have to only see her every other Saturday when I pick up the kids.
A friend told me that over lunch one day recently with my W that I was a topic of conversation. She said that she got the impression that W had been impressed with the differences in me. Also, said she got the impression that there was an element of attraction from what W was saying. I'm not going to raise any hopes or change the fact i'm going to go dark. I have plans with new friends and training for my half marathon that will keep me busy for the days I dont have the kids.
Still working on locking up my feelings for now, but getting there.
Feeling a bit frustrated this morning. Have been told that I will be on a course for work in a couple of weeks but it's running in the evening, means W will have the kids for over a week straight as opposed to the schedule we have. Then looked at ahead and the weekend I run the half marathon would have been a my weekend with the kids. Guess it just feels like life runs against you everywhere at the moment. I know I can do a lot of training that week but still frustrating that I will miss my kids so much. Especially when it's not my decision to take the family apart...
I know I'm going dark now and want her to be the one to iniciate contact but I will have to send her an email tomorrow regarding picking up the kids. If it's only about the kids, it doesn't go against DBing does it?
I basically just will say that I will pick them up at this time, please have them ready.
I don't want to be going into her apartment to wait if they are not.
Thanks Pinn, the email was only going to contain that I want to pick them up at 10.30, please have them ready.
I would also like the house key back or I will change the lock, not sure which is best at the moment. I'm not sure whether to ask for it again or just go ahead and change the lock.
I have had 2 sort of apologies from her in the last few weeks before she moved out and I think they have bothered me more than I thought. There was no reasons for what she was sorry for, just hoped I believed her when she said how sorry she was.
Morning, Si. Just dropping by. Keep at your GAL and going dark.
You are further along in your sitch than I...but I am sure you know all to well that if you allow yourself to develop expectations based on her 'apologies'...you'll be disappointed.
I'm sorry you're a bit 'off center' b/c of the apologies. If you're like me...you are clinging to any little thing for a sign of hope. That really [censored]. I get it!
Based on Thornton's (and others) advice...I've been trying to read up on Codependency and Detaching. It is one of the hardest things I've ever tried to do, emotionally. But I do believe it's healthy.
Ojap M 13 T 15 D 11 D 11 D 9 BD #1: ILYBNILWY 09/2015 BD #2: W asks for S 12/2015 ---------- Currently: Limbo
Thanks Ojap, I haven't felt the need or want to contact her since she left on Sunday. Today is the first night in 3 months that I don't have the kids at home. I told her at the time the words, I'm sorry, mean nothing at this time, that I would have to see how sorry she was, not hear it to believe it. That if she was as sorry as she tries to make out, we wouldn't be going down this road.
From a friend, he believes my W is very confused and feels like this decision of hers has snowballed on her. I can't help her though, she has to walk this path herself. Like I posted earlier too, his wife had lunch with mine recently and got impressions that what I was doing was impressing my W. I just am taking that I will keep doing the same for me and see what happens later..
I agree that it's very hard to do but will keep working on it. I know I don't need her, there are many things I can do for myself.
Thanks and good luck again today for your interview.
Feel sorry for my kids today as W only has bicycles to get her and the kids around and its cold, wet and a little snow out there. Know in my head that this is her doing but does pull on my heart strings some.
