Thank you I am going to order that book. I was thinking that maybe I am writing myself off as crazy and it's really just a way for me to deny and blame myself.
It is 2:30 am and I woke up after maybe 2 hours of sleep. My heart is pounding and I am currently convinced that husband is involved in affair. It makes so much sense. The way he is acting, the way he has been setting things up. There is no other situation on this board in which a husband Left his wife without some type of affair. I am actually imagining myself asking his mother about it. She is a bad liar and I would be able to tell immediatly if she knew. I am imagining her crying. I am imagining myself going to a lawyer and setting things up to file.
I cannot ask him again. He continues to say no. He says That other woman right now would be too much stress for him to handle. That he wants nothing to do with other women. That he wants no emotional connection with other woman. When I asked him about physical, he said he he didn't even think he would be able to (he often was unable with me..even sometimes in beginning of relationship when he truly loved me) that physical is never just physical with women. He very recently had a pretty serious type of arrhythmia. So I know he is under stress and I cannot make any legal moves if he is currently undergoing heart issues,
When I talk to him, I believe him. When I don't talk to him or have communication with him I imagine the worst, or perhaps what is obvious to everyone but me.
I do not know what to believe. In my life, I want a husband and a family. I do not want to waste my time being stringed along and lied to. If he is having affair, I will move on. If he is having a mental crisis I would wait, But I do not know what to believe. I do not know if I can live not knowing the truth. I have no real way of knowing. I thought of PI in past, but it would be unaffordable, especially if husband was with someone in other state through work.
the way he is treating me is not ok. He is stringing me along and it is taking a toll on me. It is not ok to just walk away from your family. To disinvest financially and emotionally is not ok either. To stonewall is not ok. He has ended this allready, he is just not dotting his i's and crossing his t's. his words and actions do not say reconciliation. He was talking about finding a job in a more affordable area of the country, away from us but unsure if he wants to be away from kids. (Will justify it by saying I am asking for too much money though)
At one time, husband was stable, kind, loyal and devoted. He has always been honest. He cried during my labor because I was in pain. He cried when he found out babies gender. He was teary eyed during our marriage ceremony. We have been together for 14 years. Past 3 to 4,years (after kids were born and his father died and I became difficult because of kids) he slowly withdrew and detached completely when we moved in with my parents. His main complaint back then was that he was being pulled by me, his job, and his mother and couldn't handle it and had no time for himself. He now says he compromised everythign for me and that neither of us should have to compromise happiness.
Vanilla, you have been on these boards for a while. what would you do in my position?
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
