Mental breaks are good...I think I may have 'backslid' a bit...not sure.
After a 'decent' Thursday - Sunday and productive MC session (at least I thought it was)...I think I had my expectations up...W put them back in place...
I don't think I was DB'ing really well by the time Sunday got here. All the 'good' stuff felt too familiar. I was enjoying it too much. So now...I've got to start the 180 again. I can tell I wasn't in a good place b/c my anxiety and fear of an EA/PA started creeping up again in last 24 hours.
I went for a run today...helped for sure....but reading all the sitch's on the forum just makes me suspect something even more. I need some perspective. Need to practice what I preach.
Ojap M 13 T 15 D 11 D 11 D 9 BD #1: ILYBNILWY 09/2015 BD #2: W asks for S 12/2015 ---------- Currently: Limbo
CWOL: If there was an OM, then of course it would change my gameplan. Truth is...I've been looking at her emails for months (up until a month ago) with no evidence at all. I've been looking over her shoulder at text messages...trying to check them when I hear her phone. I've driven by work to see if she was where she said she was, etc. I've done this since October of last year. And...I've found no 'hard' evidence. Some minor circumstantial...but nothing concrete...and I've been VERY alert.
I know it's still possible that there is EA/PA...but I can't find any real evidence. Would have install a network sniffer, or hire a PI to go any further.
I was gaslighted by my WW in January. She told me she stopped contact with OM, but something didn't feel right. I checked her cell phone and FB and nothing... Then I went and did a physical search of our guest room where she's sleeping and bingo, found a stash of documents showing that she was preparing to file for D. I also found that she was able to get a secret second phone to communicate with OM, her Enabler friend got it for her.
Never be too confident. Always be alert. You don't have to be neurotic but don't be complacent. I was sure my WW was "secured" until people told me what she was doing is not Recovery. That's when I found the Truth, which is key.
There's always a reason for something happening.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
I agree keep your eyes open but also don't forget to look after yourself.
Its so hard to know what to do with out EA or A proof. Just stick to a plan until evidence tell you other wise. Some people on here will say err on the side of there is an affair. Hope for the best, plan for the worst.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
Its so hard to know what to do with out EA or A proof. Just stick to a plan until evidence tell you other wise.
I believe this is the direction I'm going to take. I will stay very ALERT....but I have got to work a plan.
Journaling: I've been looking at other career options (IT, Project Coordination)..and had an interview with premier Real Estate group in our metro area. Actually on my 4th interview w/ them tomorrow.
I'm scared to death...and exhilarated. B/c of the ministry stuff...I've never been financially drive. Honestly...b/c my W does really well...so we haven't had to worry. But...the idea of being able to earn really well for myself and for my kids (regardless of what the W decides) is VERY intriguing to me. I'm 36...and it kinda [censored] having to start a new career in the middle of this mess...but I know that if there is a chance of anything happening w/ MR...I've got to get out of vocational ministry. We will need distance.
So...I'm writing up some personal and professional goals. Some are quite lofty...but oddly...they are giving me some JOY! The idea of being able to provide VERY well for my girls is a massive incentive.
Ojap M 13 T 15 D 11 D 11 D 9 BD #1: ILYBNILWY 09/2015 BD #2: W asks for S 12/2015 ---------- Currently: Limbo
I hope and know you will do great tomorrow Ojap. Wishing and praying the best of luck for you tomorrow. And if you are having a bad day tomorrow that is ok we are all entitled to a bad day and a pity party. When we fall down, have the opportunity to just get back up, in doing so we just get stronger. BTW thank you for your advice and support.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
