KGirl - new life, new stuff

[Mozza]

For months, all I could talk with my IC was STBX. I would analyze her every word and move, my behavior with her, wondering about how what I said affected her, etc. At some point, my IC suggested that perhaps I was not ready for therapy because I could not focus on me. The point is that there is no point in over-analyzing his reactions to you. You'll need to think and talk only about yourself: who you are and what you want and desire. And since you want someone who loves you back, he's not even in the picture. I sense that you're not so clear about what you want and just plain assuming what you desire if only because you couldn't quite come up with a GAL list of things that make you enthusiastic.

Regarding your doubts about what you said and how you acted, a quick anecdote. I recently had to dump a girl I was dating when I met New Girl who is just perfect for me (I hope!). This other girl started having doubts about how she acted with me, what she said, etc. She was confused what she did wrong so that I would choose someone else. It was not about her using this sentence, acting this way, etc. It was about who she was: she just wasn't who I was looking for and to become that person, she would have to change her job, speech, body, interests, etc. There's nothing in it for her! I bet it's the same with this guy: if you were a match for him, he wouldn't let you go because you asked too many times what he was up to. It's not a deal breaker when you're in love. You're not wrong: you're just not his type. You're someone else's type.

We've told you several times and in many ways that you need to work on your self-esteem and forget about this guy. I understand how hard that is, but you have to see that this is your way out of this hell.

We're with you. We've been there.