Now, the real work begins...Part III

[TimR]

Sorry you are having such a bad day Broke. We all have them but they are supposed to get less frequent as time goes. I look forward to that time when the rarely occur. Thornton is right. There is just so much pain the heart can bare before the mind moves on. You, Me, Sparks, Thornton and everyone else on this board are carrying around these bags of bricks, searching and waiting for our happy ending. Every little bump knocks a brick out and maybe the bags get just a little lighter. At some point I think we may ask ourselves "why are we even carrying these bags?" and then we may set them down and continue walking. Or maybe our WAS comes and takes a bag or two from us. Either way at some point we will no longer be carrying the bags. I wish that was today for all of us.

Sparks I love that quote and if it would not be airing dirty laundry I would copy and paste it on my FB.

[Sparkls]

I think she was quoting it from somewhere so go for it! :p

[Rouky]

So sorry Broke, rest assured that the pain gradually goes away. I read somewhere that it's between 3 to 5 years to FULLY recover from betrayal. I'm one year in and it doesn't hurt everyday, only when I'm tired, not busy.

I felt really down today and google 365 days of happiness and looked at all the pictures, I can't even describe how good it was to read this. It was a couple of minutes but I was happy.

Hang in there. I know it's hard and we will get through it :-)

[broke]

Thank you, everyone. I can't tell you all how much I appreciate your support. This board is truly a lifeline for me.

I'm not really sure why today is such a bad one. Having to move all my charges to my own credit card was another reminder that we are splitting up. But, maybe it was more his response to my email that did it. I've realized that he seems so indifferent. Instead of noticing my positive changes and GALing, it's almost like he's happy I'm moving on because it lets him off the hook for what he's done. And he's generally happy, too, because of his infatuation with the OW. And he's so NICE to me, which shouldn't make me crazy but it does. Like, he can be himself because he's moved on and it's almost like he feels sorry for me. It's unnerving that he doesn't feel sad after breaking up our marriage and 25-year R.

Anyway, I'm so very grateful for all of you. Thank so very much for reaching out, sharing your stories and trying to make me feel better. I know I'm going to get through this. I just wish I could make the pain go away faster for the kids and i. I promise the pity party is over for the day. I'm dragging myself out of this right now. Thanks.

[TimR]

Pity party away Broke just make sure to leave room at the table for me! You are a great woman and mother, you will get through this and be a better woman and mother on the other side.

[Tyler12]

There is always up and down days. Look at myself for the last few days! It passes. The great thing is you have all of us to vent to and discuss things with. You have the tools to do things for yourself.

You have come far with your attitude towards your sitch. It may not feel like it at times. Each day makes you stronger. And every hard day you make it through proves to yourself you can do this.

[Sparkls]

We're all right there with you broke.
I've really been wondering about the bit about by being positive and GAL, it makes it easier for them to suppress the guilt for what they've done. I just want to be like "Look, jacka$$, just because you didn't break me doesn't mean you should feel good about what you did. You're still a terrible person for doing it."

There's another website that I've been looking through that has more wayward perspectives and it gives me hope that even though it may temporarily make him feel better, it really is just repressing the guilt and that always comes back to bite you.

One day my WH is going to have to face the fact that when I was taking care of my dying mother, he was sleeping with some 23 year old psych patient. There's no way he can repress that forever.
Just like your WH will one day have to face the fact that he betrayed the one person who has always been there for him and walked away from his family.

[HopeRB]

Broke, I'm sorry you haven't been feeling so hot but I do hope you're feeling a little better. We are all here. I love how Tim put it about our bags getting a little lighter with every little bump. And please know that I also get that feeling like H just feels sorry for me and that he has no feelings at all about what he has done in his effort to live only to make himself happy. This is a fog that will eventually lift and when it does, they're going to look up and see the destruction they've caused and have to carry that everyday as we are now.

But please know and actively take stock of how much progress you've made! You and I are at the same time mark and it started all over for me when H actually stated the D word to the masses after having me in limbo for 5 months. And I can't imagine going back to where I was a few months ago, the though literally scares me. Every day brings its own unique set of emotions, some things I didn't even realize existed for instance, how can you laugh and cry at the exact same time? But please know that you are an amazing, confident, strong and fearless woman and mother. We are getting prepared to be better for our next R's, whether its with our S's or not. We're going to pull through, because we have to.

[Thornton]

I'm with you guys.

Its horrible feeling like W has just so easily moved on.

I told my IC last night, I feel like a piece of garbage she chucked out of the window while cruising down the freeway.

It's got to get better somehow, some way.

Let's keep on encouraging each other and get through this together.

[Vanilla]

OK

Time for more shift broke.

I would like you to google errors of thinking.

In particular the following:

Black and white thinking (all or nothing)

Mind reading

I spectating (positive and negative)

Judgement

To start with.

Then I would like you to examine the last 10 posts (yours and others) and count how many errors you find.

Move into observer mode, as if you were a teacher marking an exam.

I count 9 major mind reading examples to start with...........

As always you can say no V, not now.

V