Now what?/ One Day at a Time

[melweb]

SO I've decided these are his choices. Pick One:
A) BOO HOO
B) Guess you should have thought about that before
C) Why do you even care if I hate you?


I'm kidding. But seriously!! I have yet to reply.


Now that I am a few days past the initial shock and I have had some time to reflect on the months following the first BD, what I did that worked, and I how really think I am up against a horse of a different color now. Or possibly I am just overthinking.

After first BD, I followed advice in DR and from this forum. I 180'd to be happy, upbeat, confident. (I wasn't happy in that marriage either.) I backed off when I thought it was right and engaged when I saw the chance. I validated, became his friend, and gave him space. I upped my stay at home duties (we had a fight about me not ironing his clothes a month before BD.) Everything he thought I was, I 180'd it! I complimented and praised without going overboard. I eventually saw him pursue me when I distanced, saw his eyes change when he knew he was suppose to keeping me at arms length but wasn't. Furthermore, I really felt in my heart that was not what he wanted and he was not having an affair.
It worked. 8 weeks later, he said he was not leaving!!

From there, we had plenty of R talks about what went wrong, how we were going to fix it, what we both wanted and need from the M, lots of sex and date nights. We say "I love you" daily, he thanks me for saving the M, lots of appreciation and respect. In the meantime, his cell phone use became a thorn in my side. It was constant and inconsiderate. If I mentioned it, I was accused of not letting him have friends, I was pressuring, and we needed to go slow. He mentioned these women "friends" once or twice and that he would not give them up. And in fact they helped him save our marriage, as one is having M trouble too. By this time, I am pretty sure it is an EA with one of them. Idk which one. One is married, the other is divorced.

Last week , he needs to go three hours north for work, which is conveniently close to to OWs. This is when I believe EA went PA, as condoms are missing along with Cialis. Hes home for a day, I get I love you, babe, etc. We snuggled before he left for biz trip which he is now on. Thats when the proverbial crap hits the fan. And I get the email saying he tried, he can't give me what I need, and he needs more passion.

So while, before, I had gotten to a place where I felt it would be his loss if he left, I truly believed that was not what he wanted. It was what keep me going on the really hard days. And I really was a woman only a fool would leave, and the best melweb I could be. All that is still true, and he still wants to leave. And now there an OW!