I'm so sorry you are struggling today. It's another wave crashing down on you. It's so hard, I know.
You aren't a failure, Broke. But I totally get why you struggle with those thoughts. I spent an hour with IC talking about exactly that. I blame myself too.
He called it stinkin' thinkin'. Your H clearly played a big part in the breakdown of things. And you have tried to talk to him, you've begged, you've pleaded to no avail.
I'm just going to come out and say it... your H is a jacka$$. He has no idea what he is throwing away.
When his A implodes (and it will), he better hope and pray that you are still around. Because if you aren't, he will experience everything that you've experienced since the bomb.
I know this is true because this is exactly what happened in my sitch with my ex-wife.
And remember, every time you have a bad day and feel down, it forces you to detach just a little more. Your mind has a limited amount of pain it dishes out before it runs out, once you've experienced all the pain, you're free.
