Now, the real work begins...Part III

[HopeRB]

Yes Thornton, you always have just the right words, thank you!

Hope and Tim,

Not feeling very inspirational today, but thanks so much for the positive thoughts. I continue to have hope, so I will continue to DB. But, I'm feeling a little low and would love just a subtle or small sign that any of this "work" will lead H back. Does anyone ever feel like holding onto this hope will set us back in how long it takes to get over our WAS (if we have to)? Or, do you think it takes the same amount of time to get over them if you are able to drop the rope sooner? Just wondering....

This is tough b/c I struggle with it also but I think part of the reason DBing "works" everytime is bc regardless of how the sitch turns out, we will be better, this is the goal. I know this isn't exactly what you want to hear and trust me, it isn't what I want to be saying. I would love for any of the thousands of methods I've researched to work to bring my H back. But we can't predict that unfortunately. What I do know is that DBing is great for ppl like us who need to understand that if we keep doing what we've done in the past - which is what got us here, we will not be successful.We need a different approach, a complete cleanse to shock us into doing things differently. We have the power to change our marriages because we are actively changing ourselves.

On the other side of that, I also wonder if holding onto hope keeps us in this mental prison longer than we need to be. It may very well take less time if we drop the rope sooner. I had a convo with a friend last night who can't understand why I still pine over my M months later after all that has transpired. She just got out of a relationship and though she was sad, she she's over it, doesn't want him back, moved on, etc. but still feels something deep down inside. I told her its different for someone you've spent a very long time with.