Good to hear Thornton. The "what ifs" eat us all alive. Nothing malicious on any of our parts. Just lack of knowledge and feedback from an unhappy spouse. How can we improve what we don't know to be broken?
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
IC did say, I'm an honest person. And honest people sometimes get fooled into thinking that everyone is honest as well. Food for thought.
This sticks with me. I just cannot wrap my head around why my H would lie to me and cheat. I think that this is so true - just because we wouldn't do something doesn't mean that someone else doesn't hold themselves to the same standards.
Glad you had a good night and are headed back to the gym. Good for you! Keep it up!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
And I can tell you after a while, I just stopped caring. It would come in waves. Remember, this process isn't linear so don't react on anything until you know for sure that you have let go.
One day, you will feel like you coldn't care less. The next day you might feel a little detached.
You'll know when you are done, you really and truly won't care anymore. And it takes a looooong time to get to this point.
Good to hear Thornton. The "what ifs" eat us all alive. Nothing malicious on any of our parts. Just lack of knowledge and feedback from an unhappy spouse. How can we improve what we don't know to be broken?
Well said....this is what baffles my mind daily....
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Back from the gym and worked out really angry and really hard.
I love the anger, it's such a relief from the pain.
But now, there's an empty feeling. It's been a month since I've seen or spoken to W. I miss her like crazy.
I've been trying to think about all the sh!tty things she's done. The lies, the betrayal. I often wonder exactly when her feelings shifted for me and when did she officially start "acting" like she loved me. I know, all mind reading and it does me no good.
It [censored] not knowing all the answers to the questions in my mind.
Can someone tell the ride operator I want off this roller coaster?
Funny that you mention Estes Park. W and I were there at the Stanley Hotel a month before the bomb and she was declaring her love for me. We took pictures together and were planning a romantic weekend get-a-way in a few weeks in Estes Park.
Thanks for the support, my friend. You're right, tomorrow is a new day.
I almost slept through the night! That's a huge deal for me lol.
Lack of sleep compounds my depression and anxiety so I am so thankful to almost get 7 hours.
I felt a little surge of anxiety this morning if I'm honest with you. All this time that has passed with NC, I don't see how we'll ever come back from it. We are literally pitch black NC.
I liked something Broke had posted on her thread about her H not stringing her along, that she was, in fact, stringing herself along.
I think that's what I'm doing. I'm stringing myself along, hoping that W will wake up and see a guy that was willing to walk through fire and brimstone to make things work with her.
I know detachment is a process, and I'm working on it. But man alive, this is one of the hardest things I've ever done. To be able to keep getting up in the morning and trudging through the pain is exhausting.
I know God has a plan. He needs me to change. And he is aligning the moon and the stars for me. I just have to keep the faith that no matter what happens, he has my best interest in mind.
Really glad you had a good sleep Thorton. It is so important, and your day goes so much better when you get a good one in.
As for stringing yourself along. I feel the same way. Like here I am doing what I can for myself, yet just a little of it is so S may see it and say damn it. I screwed up. These things do change and some of it has gone away with time.
For me V-ball was something to get W back. Now I can't wait for it cause it's fun. The gym may be the same thing for you. Time is our friend
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
