We talked about how I blame myself for so much of this breakup.
He gave me an exercise, to keep 2 sheets of paper. And when I get these thoughts about blaming myself, determine if it really should be something I own or W owns, then jot it down on either her paper or mine.
We also talked about my feelings of betrayal by W, how she lied to me for a year and was secretly drinking. He said alcoholics are notorious liars. They even lie to themselves. That made me feel a little better. It made me feel like maybe I didn't have as much control over our sitch as I thought I did. That maybe there was nothing I could of done to prevent this.
There are absolutely things I did to F up this relationship as well. But I have been blaming myself for all of it. When she left, she blamed me for everything and made me out to be this monster that she needed to escape from and I believed her.
IC said relationships with addicts can suck you into this warped mindset. I've been trying to untangle myself from it since W left. I have some moments of clarity every now and then but then fall back into my old ways of thinking. It's tough stuff.
IC did say, I'm an honest person. And honest people sometimes get fooled into thinking that everyone is honest as well. Food for thought.
