Too Much Time Is Passing By

[Vanilla]

When another has an emptiness within them and they fill it with vacuous activity there is nothing that another can do.

Those with a 'hole' in their soul can only seek answers for themselves.

They may fill the space with substances or activities or limerance that is their choice. As a W or H of an empty vessel spouse there is no love, support, forgiveness or acquiescence that can be done to fill that vessel.

This isn't our choice or action. The lost have to seek to fill their emptiness with love and support for themselves. Only they can seek to renew heal and grow. They must wake and first know and respect themselves, face the damage and work with themselves to grow and change. To atone and truly want something different and to shift. They must feel healthy guilt and shame and want to be renewed.

It is a waste of the energy we must direct to ourselves and our DB process, to try to fill an empty vessel.

V

[T384]

I think you need to leave him be. Even if he does start texting maybe let him wait for a response for a bit

[HopeRB]

I decided last night to leave him be after seeing the overwhelming response here. And I will let him wait for a bit when I do hear from him.

Went to bed and woke up today feeling a bit like I could take it or leave it at this point. Of course I'd like to take it but, it's so not up to me. So that's where my head is at with that in this moment. Of course, that can change throughout the course of the day though.

Vanilla, you're right, the emptiness of the WAS is so disheartening to us LBS b/c there is absolutely nothing we can do as a support system to fill that hole. Everyday, I pray for my H to be awakened, and who knows maybe he already has and he feels this is his truth. Frustrating to say the least.

[HopeRB]

Also, I remember him saying, it's nothing with me, it's him. So I am positive he is experiencing an early mid-life crisis.

[TimR]

HopeRB, I think you are on the right track. I would concur with everyone else's advice and I think you do too. No doubt it will be hard but you are probably better off for your own mental status. Let him miss you and come to terms with what he has done and where he is at.

I may have shed a tear or two catching up on your sitch from yesterday (for some reason I could not get on forums last night). It is such a tough decision to just let go and take a step forward. I don't know when I have more anxiety when I am in contact or not. Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.

[broke]

Hope,

I am glad you aren't contacting H and feeling a little stronger this morning. I hope that feeling stays with you all day!

[HopeRB]

Thanks for the support Tim and broke. Even from the time when this all started, I've been able to keep a nice distance from him and I've become more patient and able to be still as time progresses. So it doesn't kill me to not contact him. I just really want to.

And I think what also stops me is knowing that he isn't really thinking of me and he's just moving on with his life so maybe I should do what he's doing and move forward. Maybe I should stop being silly and compartmentalize like he does. I also just remembered him saying something like, "I don't want this to be over either," or something to that effect. It was after him telling how much he cared for me and how he wants me to come to him if I ever need anything and know that he's there to support me and help me with anything I need in life, and that he just wants me to be ok and happy. When all I want to scream out is, "Well why can't you do all those things as my H and come home?!"

Sigh, I don't want a D because I am still madly in love with this man. But at this point, not sure if/when I'll have kids or get that kind of connection with someone. And I need to be over him in order to get those things. I know good things are ahead but when I deal with the reality, I get discouraged b/c I know that it's going to be a long, less-traveled road ahead.

[daybyday]

Sigh, I don't want a D because I am still madly in love with this man. But at this point, not sure if/when I'll have kids or get that kind of connection with someone. And I need to be over him in order to get those things. I know good things are ahead but when I deal with the reality, I get discouraged b/c I know that it's going to be a long, less-traveled road ahead. [/quote]

Hope, I have been following your sitch and i struggle with the "passing of time" realities also. I am not a spring chicken and if this thing drags on and on with no progress, I become an older spring chicken.

I guess how much is enough, is the question we have to come to terms with.

[Thornton]

Hope,

I totally get where you are coming from.

However, my IC told me life tends to unfold a little at time and we can't see that far ahead.

I was listening to an audio CD in my car and they were talking about how you can drive from California to NY in the middle of the night only seeing 200 ft ahead of you.

Think about that for a minute. You have no idea what's around the next corner. Sure, we all assume it's just another bend in the road, but there could also be something extraordinary there as well.

I know you believe in God, me too. He has a plan for you. But right now, he wants to mold you into who you are supposed to be. People rarely change without pain.

It takes extreme pain to refine who we are meant to be. So stop trying to control everything (detach) and keep your car on the road, you don't know what's around the bend.

[TimR]

"Sorry to hijack Spark, but how does this all work if the your WAS says the A is over or is still hiding it?"

HopeRB, I think if the R talk starts and WAS says the A is over or still hiding it, you should refer to Sandi's conditions and start with the End the A letter. Make that your new 1# condition to R.