Hmmmm....I really like the idea of watching for patterns of contact. I also like putting a time frame on the db'ing. I get some good ideas from reading everyone's ideas, thoughts, successes and failures. I'm really going to have to investigate the type of communication and how he is acting, too. Because we have to talk about the kids. But, sometimes it is trivial stuff....and sometimes he gets angry about silly things.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
It's often trivial stuff for us. She would call and email and text, all silly things about the house. I think she was just trying to keep the connection. And I always did everything of course, around the house. And now that Spring is arriving, I'm so sad that I won't be there to see the flowers come up and the trees blossom. All that is my work, my creation, my masterpiece.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
You have to write down the contact and all that came with it. You can't really see what results everything gets without it. You will be too emotionally involved.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Otw, you just reminded me of a book I read a few months back on M that had some sort of interaction scorecard section where you could "analyze the results" of a situation shortly after it happened, allowing you to monitor your hits and misses. I was too emotional at the time to get into it but now I think I need to approach this from a "scientific" level lol. After all, we are supposed to study this new person parading around in our WAS's body. My DB coach says you have to interact with the person they are right now.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
