Beginning of the End

[TimR]

Thanks broke, thornton and pajo. I am really confused about this whole mess and honestly heartbroken and sad about hearing about the whole public with the A.

I text her again this morning "Hey hope your day is going ok. I just wanted to follow up about getting S13 to the doctor." I got a text back "Let me text you this afternoon (work reasons she is busy), So I'll get with you probs this afternoon."

I am honestly thinking I will not hear from her on this. I think she is going to continue to put me off. I have no proof of it (except she has always been very prompt about the kids) but I think her new tactic is going to be passive resistance.

[Thornton]

Tim,

I'm sorry man. The public thing would really hurt me too. I have no inklings of OM in my sitch but it's going to hurt like hell if one appears.

My defense against this is not knowing. I don't ask or look for anything in regards to W.

Tell your friends, you do not want to hear anything about W. Nada, nothing, zilch. Don't snoop and don't ask.

Let her do her own thing. Plus, the more real their R becomes, the faster it will burn out. OM is simply a band-aid for your W. She's not happy, Tim. It's evident by how she reacts so angrily.

Remember, if she expresses any emotion at all towards you, there are feelings there.

You will know if she feels nothing for you, she will be completely and totally indifferent. No emotion from her at all.

You're going to make it through this, my friend. We all are.

It's going to sting for a while, but you are being refined right now. Change is painful, but make no mistake, you are growing right now.

Trust the process.

[1313]

Let her do her own thing. Plus, the more real their R becomes, the faster it will burn out. OM is simply a band-aid for your W. She's not happy, Tim. It's evident by how she reacts so angrily.

Remember, if she expresses any emotion at all towards you, there are feelings there.

You will know if she feels nothing for you, she will be completely and totally indifferent. No emotion from her at all.

This is good advice for all of us. I suppose I should be glad if I sense hostility from the W. I'm afraid I'm getting total indifference, it's her assistant that seems hostile.

In Tim's case, he's got his MIL airing his laundry in public, which can do nothing for the situation but make it worse. I don't even know what to say about that - even if things were to turn around you've got the MIL to contend with. Forever. It's not like an OM where you can say cut off all communication.

For now Thornton is spot in IMO. I don't like the path, but it must be followed. It will lead somewhere you want to be.

[Cadet]

Talked to a L this morning.
She told me I would probably get a significant time for custody but could not say I would get 50/50 custody as a biological parent would. L told me that using the threat of pulling in biological dad may be a good strategy. Bc she may not want that can of worms opened. Since W is not thinking anything close to rationally IDK. IDK that she would consider it a bad thing or she how she would react. Friends are all telling me to file for custody and I am again leaning that way, even if it means no more hope at R.

Did the lawyer tell you what strategy to use?
Legally I would do what is best for you and not worry about what will help you reconcile or not.

Legal divorce is not the end.
People do get re-married.

Standing is about keeping your side open to reconcilliation,
not what she does.

[TimR]

Cadet, L didn't tell me a specific strategy to use. L kinda of thought if we could work it out between WW and I too would be better. However, advised not to wait too long and lose my rights. We discussed if I did file WW would probably only give me the time the court required. I think that means she would pull him out of wrestling with me. L also warned she could go for support then. Which is what I would think she would do. WW needs to be concerned that if she forces me to that, that she will not only lose time to me but may also lose time to biological dad. That would also hurt S13, he wants nothing to do with biological dad. BUT it seems she cares nothing for S13 and only wants to do what she feels will hurt me the most.

Cant say the money portion worries me. What she spent it on would bug me but I have no problem stepping up to pay for S.

[Cadet]

Sorry to hijack your thread but my user name is my first name and last initial should I also change my display name??

It depends on whether you think that you are being stalked here or not.

I must admit that it is sometimes very easy to find people here.
My ex-wife stalked me here and is a registered user, although she never posted.
It was all so she could get an advantage in court, IMHO.

[JujuB]

Hi Tim

Is there a reason why you would not want to go through mediation to resolve custody issue, instead of filing?

I have heard very similar sentiment regarding indifference being worse then anger. Your wife certainly has a lot of anger.

Regarding initiating conversations and texts as a 180, i am not so sure. She is involved in affair and she has ended things. Right now I think you need to give her space. Text should always regard kids. (How are you and the kids doing would be appropriate).
I can see your wife getting irritated with polite formal texts at this point. It sounds like in the past, she was looking for conversations to help connect you guys. Subjects on a deeper level involving the two of you. At this point, it is too late unless she initiates.
You know eventually her affair with OM will burn out. Right now I would keep your temper under check. Remain polite. Let her pursue. Avoid all relationship talk because you guys are way to volatile right now.

[TimR]

Thanks JujuB. Today has been a horrible day. Reached out to her about taking S to the doctor. I offered to take him and pay. She sent me back not wanting to have me involved in his medical care and she would take him. That's alright, I just concerned for him getting seen. If I could give you any money for it let me know. I got a text back that S is her son and she has made all his medical decisions and will continue to do so. She will pay me back for last time I took him to the dr.

I do not have a clue where this rage comes from but we are talking about the kid not her. If she hates me, so be it but don't make him suffer and hurt his health. That just is wrong.

So that is my day, I am going to take a nap and then go to the gym. I guess when I get home, I have some cleaning to do bc I have been neglecting it through the weekend and now my house is a wreck. I also am going to change the locks on the door because at this point with all her anger, I have no idea what she will try and pull next.

[Thornton]

They need to have that anger so they don't get soft and start to see you in a different light.

Dont react to it.

[broke]

Okay, do you think she is cutting you out of medical decisions because she wants to start cutting off contact between you and S13? I am a little concerned because the L said if you wait too long you may lose your rights. I have been recommending waiting and I don't want you to jump the gun here. But, why would she care about you taking him to the doctor? You are a concerned parent and I don't like how she called him "my" son. IMHO, she is putting her son in the middle of her anger issues and I am not really sure why she is so angry when she is the one that is cheating. It is not like you left her. I am so confused by her behavior....