I've been contemplating life without W moving forward, and it makes me sad. Sad that our dreams might never be realized. It was so fun talking with her about our dream house, dreaming about retirement and doing things, vacationing in the Pacific Northwest. All of that stuff is gone, at least for now.
LETTING GO OF THE DREAMS IS SO HARD, I KNOW. WE WERE LOOKING AT RETIREMENT IN THE NEXT 2 YEARS. SHE MAY RETIRE THIS YEAR AND I HOPE THAT THE AGE DIFF BETWEEN HER AND OW MIGHT BE A PROBLEM. OW IS 6 YEARS YOUNGER.
I also think one of my problems is denial. I was able to get W back once. So how could I not hold out hope that I can do it again?
I HOPE YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN. I'M ROOTING FOR YOU!
But it also keeps me stuck. I think I'm scared of acceptance because then it will mean I am truly detached and there will be no coming back for our relationship.
I DON'T BELIEVE THAT. IF SHE COMES BACK AND YOU ARE DETACHED (OR BECAUSE YOU ARE DETACHED) THEN IT WILL BE YOUR CHOICE. WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO ACTUALLY HAVE A CHOICE AGAIN?
In the meantime, placing the focus back on me (to the best of my ability). YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT IS HELPING ME DO THE SAME.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
