Ok. W said something the other day that has been weighing on my mind and I have been contrmplating addressing it. We were discussing visitation of the boys and she said
you can blame me for leaving all you want, for the rest of your life if you want to i dont care. Bc i needed this, my entire soul needed this. i dont regret it and would never change the decision i made to leave
It doesn't hurt me that she said that. Part of me feels I should address it saying something along the lines of it was best for us both. That I too realize I was unhappy and it was something I didn't know I needed but now do see I did.
Should I leave it alone? It was a few days ago. So I feel like I should just leave it. I want to say something if it ever comes up again
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I guess it goes back to moving on without saying it. Doing it. It would have been for reaction. For her to possibly feel some hurt. That's not how I want to handle this.
I am going to talk to her soon about time with te boys, she seems to have changed her mind from 50/50 to something else. Guess we see how this goes.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Leave it be. I know it's easier said than done. My WW has said so.ething similar on multiple occasions whenever I point out the pink elaphant in the room. om never has anything to do with stuff. They are doing it entirely for themselves. Of course that is why they aren't trying to fix themselves while alone. Let it be. I hijacked somebody's line on this forum to respond to my WW when she uses the same line.... I don't know how to respond to that. Stops her dead in her tracks.
Me:44 W:38 T:10.5 M:7.5 D:3 BD: 7/2015 W moves out of MBR: 9/2015 WW files for D: 2/8/2016
Next time it comes up, you make sure to mention that you weren't happy, either.
The first time I said that to W it really threw her. It was almost like she was thinking to herself that she was perfect and all this unhappiness she was feeling was a direct result of me being there.
WWs blame the LBH for everything. They sincerely think that the LBH is the sole source of issues. She has no idea that she will run into the same host of issues with the OM down the line.
If you can tell her that you weren't happy and explain why, it can really make them reflect.
When I said that W instinctively went on the defensive. She said "how could you not be happy when I did X, and X and X for you?" my answer was that those weren't things I cared about. My LL are "X" and "X" and I haven't gotten those things from this relationship in a long time. I haven't felt loved for a long time...
Seriously, don't do anything now because it's too late, but if she tries to throw that in your face again, come back with that little truth dart and pop the bubble.
Dude, Wait it out, at least sleep on it. One thing I have released is that this whole process isn't about being hurt once. Its a load of hurts one after the other after the other. We get the biggie, then loads more follow. I had a similar comment. What I did is write down what she said on one card, then wrote a few considered responses to it and spend half hour trying each response on for size. bottom line, I still felt the same. This made me think....the choice how I feel is mine and mine alone. I sat and thought about what the old W reaction would be and what the new W's reaction would be. Then, to be honest I put it aside and just couldn't be bothered. It just became another entry in the reasons to GAL diary.
me45,W43 S9,S5 T15yrs M10yrs BD 4/07/15 W wants D 4/07/15 W filed 8/05/15 D petition arrived 21/12/15 Merry xmas, W,S5 S9 moved out 5/2/16
Thank you all for your advice. I also see no point in bringing it up. I don't expect her to say anything like that again anytime soon, if it does I do want to address it. I like your way of doing it keefa. Taking the time to write out responses and it is possible it will help me work through it. If not I will be prepared like in mowgli's case.
I did talk to W today about the boys and time with them. She had seemed to be against 50/50. And I had written out my view and feeling on the sitch in preparation. However she talked about going 50/50 and how it works and how we will make it work. We were able to discuss it and I am excited to have the boys for a week. It may have helped that I had care already set up for them while I work and had reassured her that our ideas in raising the boys hasn't changed from what we were doing when we were together.
I also expressed that I would like to try this for a month or 2 and we can revisit how it is effecting the boys. I really don't want them to feel they are being bounced back and forth.
During the talk she brought up the car again. This time i like the way I handled it. She mentioned she had taken it in and there was a more wrong with it than she thought. I said that is too bad, anyway about the boys.....
So it was good. Going to talk to S3 tonight. Love talking to that little guy. My children are such a joy in my life.
Since tonight is V-ball night I told her I can't talk after 7 tonight as I would be out. An left it at that. I don't care if she thought about what it meant, it is nice to be able to vocalize I have a life too.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Can't seem to get the forum up at home and yet it works when I am at work. Not sure what's going on. Anyway. Had a good night, talked to S3 and he is happy. s1 has an eye infection apparently so that's no good. W started telling me about car again, not for advice just letting me know what's going on with it. The boys started being a handful so I said sounds like the boys need you I'll let you go. Have a good night. She didn't sound happy I was ending the convo.
Pretty sore after volleyball last night. It was good. I got a good sweat on and had a lot of fun. Thought of W once and only because a wedding song came on. Well back to work. Thanks everyone for the support you really helped me through a low time the last few days
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
