That's true, NYGal. I have to remember that even if/when we do manage to have a conversation with them, don't believe anything they say and half of what we see b/c there is so much beneath the surface. And yes, when they manage to be honest, its just painful and I feel like banging my head against a cement wall...sorry for the graphic visual and pls know that I would not do that.
They are certainly the ones causing it and can stop it with the same amount of boldness they're using to go through it. Put that energy toward restoring your M, not tearing it down.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."